Bone (user #6229)

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Bone was born in the late 18th century to British explorers, who took him to Africa when he was still a toddler. They died of malaria while on safari, and the infant Bone was discovered (and subsequently raised) by silverback gorillas and long-believed-to-be-extinct brontosauri (known by the locals as mokele-mbembe) in the Congo basin. He returned to civilization in his early twenties, where he took London by storm after rapidly mastering five languages, oil painting and the viola de gamba. After a century it became apparent that for some reason (perhaps due to drinking from the lake where the ancient sauropods lived), Bone was gifted with a greatly increased lifespan. By this point he had assumed his place as "Philosopher-King of the Northern Hemisphere" and was so jaded that every day he prayed for the sweet release of death.
At the moment, Bone's brain is located in a jar on the top closet shelf of Tom Cruise's bedroom. Bone has thus far been able to resist all attempts to convert him to Scientology. Interestingly, his body is a very well-paid gigolo in Monaco.

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