In "I will not read"

This is kind of a niche annoyance, right? Famous, connected people with more money than one could reasonably dream of making are whining because n00bs are pestering them about reading their scripts? Well. There is a useful word for this. That word is NO. Member Nancy Regan? Make futile disingenuous slogans from the 80's work for you. Seriously. I know little children with better problems. The worlds tiniest violin....

In "Moar Yodeling Cats."

Also: singingkittehs this is kind of old so you'll forgive me, wontcha?

In "Curious George.. new dog questions!"

"No Digging! But you can come on in and use the bathroom anytime".

In "Curious George and the Freaky Cat"

This cat has chosen you to be it's new owner. Try to feel honored.


Yeah. I just love dating a bully who gets mad because I know more words than he does and won't obey direct commands ("change the sheets!") The word in question was 'contraindicated'. Sheets never got changed, I dumped him on my cell phone as I was driving away. They look good because they look powerful. Which can be attractive but most of them are just powerfully insecure. Give me the camomile tea guy every time.

In "Paul Newman has passed away at 83. One of the greats."

. . . . . .

In "Curious George.. new dog questions!"

I didn't wash my hair for almost two weeks when I got Parker. About the biting (I'm assuming that she's biting human beings): she's not allowed to. When she bites your hand immediately give her a toy to chew on, praising her for taking it. That way she can be a good girl instead of a bad one. Distraction is everything. It was recommended to me that I get Parker some cow hoofs to chew on. Well, they are great, they are cheap and she loves to bite them. They also reek of ammonia and her poop does too. But they have made teething a breeze.

Also: I have found rearing a dog to be all consuming. This not good for the cats. I really neglected them when Parker was younger, just because I didn't make the time. Make sure that they get some love. It's one more thing to do but it's worth it.

Put the cat food on a high place for now. Lara is so little that she won't be able to get up there. By the time she gets big you will have trained her not to eat it ("LEAVE IT! pause GOOD GIRL!"). Altitude works for all my cats except the arthritic one, Hayden. The baby gate I have is good for confinement but my cats can't get through the fencing. Although Bella will go right over it. I do kiss Parker on the muzzle but she isn't allowed to kiss me. Again, what Gramma said. Try not to use papers or pee pads. The appropriate place for Lara to 'go' is outside. Which is why you crate, watch and don't drink. If she is sniffing around inside ask her if she wants to go out. Make a big deal of it: "OUTSIDE? OUTSIDE?" (which is actually inappropriate-you never tell a dog anything twice because that waters down the command). Eventually she will give you a meaningful look. Then when she does go tell her that she's good and that it's a "GOOD SPOT". My dogs know to poop when I tell them to 'find a good spot'. Puppies pee about an hour after they have had water so know that. Take up her water dish after 8:00 p.m.. Also, when a puppy poops there is no stopping it so don't even try. You will be able to have a drink in about two months. Put her in puppy class as soon as you can. It really does a lot of good. Remember, training is all about the hot dog. I cannot emphasize this enough. Very small pieces of hot dog. Turkey dog is better for her but hot dog twill draw your dog off a cliff.

Strikingly simple cat box answer: keep it clean. I didn't catch on to this at first. No poop, no poop to eat. And puppies between two and three months are commonly referred to as 'crap machines', producing an improbable amount of fecal matter. With very little warning.

One other note: this is not easy. It will require a lot of patience on your family's part. Just take it a day at a time. Training goes a lot more slowly than you think it should but it does progress. Just remember that she will have no attention span for about five months but is always taking things in. Love and timing are the deal.

Parker has one blue eye and one brown eye-has had since she was born. I think Lara's might stay blue. Also Huskies frequently have blue eyes. What a cute little bundle of stuff. Train her young, they get big in a hurry.

O lord. I am raising a puppy right now. I had to quit drinking to do it. Parker is a very gentle and bright girl but there has been quite a bit of poop. I like the New Skete books but there is much emphasis on using choke corrections which will either produce a dog that will obey you or fear you. Learn your 'dog voice' and only use it when she is doing something bad. I use 'leave it' instead of 'no'. Love her a lot-bonding is key to training. And exercise-a tired dog is a good dog, as they say. I took Parkie to a puppy class (this is for socialization) where she surprisingly fell in love with a pitt bull named Mastodon. It was really good for her. We started when she was three months old. Also, puppies go through a 'fear period' that must be honored-read up on this. And yes, you are going to do a lot of walking. It's really the best thing you can do for your dog and it is the one thing that totally insures your bond. Three places you can take your dog: hardware store, pet store, liquor store. Also, treats. Dogs can be bribed-it's the standard way to train. Use hot dog pieces. You must also be consistent, using simple commands and make sure that everyone in the house follows the same training program. This was really hard for me because I tended to ask a question instead of issuing a command: "Hi baby, do you want to sit?" will not respected. Dog parks are not a good idea until the puppy is about six months old, according to trainers. Keep tags on her with your phone number. You might think about micro-chippping her. If so, use AVID. It's very inexpensive and most breeders recommend it. Most importantly, read up on the breed to find out the best way to train your puppy. An Afghan is very intelligent but bores easily, a Golden has a tremendous desire to please, a Border Collie will go nuts without a job. Breeds are far more distinct than I ever understood until I got my sighthounds. As far as cats are concerned there are only two rules: 1. Your dog is not a cat. 2. Your dog is not a cat. Everything else will sort itself out pretty well. Parker liked to chase the cats at first but after a few firm 'leave it' commands (and you really do have to command, not suggest, which will be new to you as a cat owner) she caught on. Most dogs won't harm a cat indoors but might outdoors so watch the cats if they are outside with the puppy. Lastly, buy a book on dog health-not just a training book but one that will tell you what to do in an emergency. They really will eat anything so hide all the small stuff. Parker ate an energy saving light bulb a few weeks ago. And everything Gramma said.

In "Curious George Acquires a Kitty"

People eat kangaroos?

My perfect cat, Ypres the Assassin, had 31 names at the time of her death. They all began with 'B' and I don't know why.


In "NSFW™"

And that about sums it up, really.

In "Building a Lionel Ritchie head"

This is why we love the dng.

In "Just say Canadian drugs."

This is a wonderful link. Thanks for posting it. I've got an old mother, what can I say. BTW, the name of Canadian money is straight from hell (I realize that you had nothing to do with it) . One gathers that it has to do with some useless motif having to do with snow geese but, well, really? I'm going go eat a steak right now. Brain food.

In "Feelings"

Yeah, Dingy, you do that again and we'll lose the craft services budget. NO more vodka and tangerine juice. I'll be blaming you. Although I am not sure I would know who any of you are were I to become sober. (pats the dng on the head, passes out under favorite table)

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