September 14, 2005

The Telecrapper 2000 identifies & intercepts telemarketer calls, then ensnares the caller in a software-driven 'virtual conversation' using a script that plays a series of WAV files. The entire conversation is recorded for later amusement. Here's a FLASH rendition of the kind of recording the Telecrapper will make of such an interchange.

We've discussed the morality of annoying telemarketers before, but I found this amusing anyway.

  • Yellow?
  • Chy, you'd like Crank Yankers. Check out the Spoonie Luv clips especially.
  • Have a blessed day.
  • Also, who gives a shit?
  • Who gives a bloody... oh nevermind.
  • This idea is A+++++++ RECOMMEND... since it wastes the time of telemarketing firms, pretty much defeating the purpose of all their predictive dialing (i.e. the source of many hang-up calls). This has "Made in China" written all over it, entrepreneurially speaking.
  • I like red.
  • I shall inform Lord Vader!
  • Lord Vader ate too many beets last night, Sir.
  • You sorry right wing fucks just disgust me to no end! (maybe some end but I'm not going to get all porno here) So some poor slob trying to get off meth gets a job as a telemarketeress, trying to crawl out of of s deep hole created by you heartless dickwads (and dickwadesses) and you chickenshit friends of Shrub and Billy Bob Robertson support the creation of this junk chunk of nerdware that takes the food from her mouth and the mouths of the bikers depending on her for support. For shame!!!! For shame!!
  • The only people I know that get jobs as telemarketers are students who don't realise that the job is utter crap, and robotic conversations are actually more friendly than most of the conversations they are going to have.
  • Hey! Even students deserve a little respect now and then....even the ones strung out on meth as they do their telemarketing job to support their habit so they don't have to resort to kicking your ass in a dark alley as you stumble home from your nerdy place of employ after you have that party celebrating the zit on Bill Gates's face that just appeared in the last quarter and was ignored on Microsoft's report to the stockholders. What is your point anyway?? It seems to be that you'd rather talk to robots because you can cause them to be friendly. eh?
  • I did the telemarketing thing while at university for some quick easy money and loathed it. Given the choice between telemarketing and talking to robots, I'd definitely choose the robot. So, uh, yes. That is my point.
  • Ha! How little you know! I'm member number 1393. If you'll notice, Monkeyfilter now has 4034 members. Meaning my telemarketing blitz brought 2641 new members to Monkeyfilter! Um...Tracicle? My cheque bounced.
  • Uhhh...I'll put a new one in the mail. /moves to Kazakhstan
  • I once got a two-week long string of hang-up calls. Used to arrive home to a 'memory full' answering machine,; nothing but many messages of silence, or the occasional elevator music or 'Hello? CLICK'. One saturday morning, I notice the number calling is one of the several that were on the callerID log. I was pretty steamed, but managed to contain my anger enough to first inform the lady calling that the person she was looking for wasn't interested in her upscale store's promotions and sales, that in fact she didn't live there anymore, and after detailing the crappy methods of their automatied system, and apologizing to vent off with her since that's just not her fault, got her to route me to somebody higher up that I could issue a formal complaint with. After a couple minutes of more music, ended up with a nervous-sounding supervisor that apologized profusely and promised to look into the 'crappy software' problem. Never got another call from them.
  • Monkeyfilter now has 4034 members I'm 4045. Does... does that mean people... die?
  • Oh, and thanks for the call, moneyjane, it's so lonely here.
  • Soylent green is people, InsolentChimp. Monkey people.
  • InsolentChimp: Those that do not conform ... are removed.
  • Yep - many CHARTIES use telemarketing to solict donations - but what hell - must be esy living the wonderdul town of I'M-ALRIGHT-JACK-FUCK-YOU, U.S.A
  • It's totally awesome, dude.