October 17, 2004

Serious George...I often take cabs for my work, as I don't drive, and usually talk with a lot of cabbies if they're the talkative sort. Here's my question; when someone tells you they are from a country pretty much going up in flames at the moment, how does one respond? For example, a cabbie remarked that he was from Sudan, when the news of the crisis in Darfur was all over the news. I think I just said, "ah" as in "ah, I see", and the conversation moved on. I wondered what was better form; responding neutrally as I did, which may have given the impression I either didn't know about the situation in Sudan, or, worse, that I thought it unimportant; or if I should have said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry about what's happening there", and moved on. This happens relatively often, and the awkward pause after someone's announced they're from somewhere you see on the news every night is something I'm interested in hearing how other people handle.
posted by moneyjane 19 years ago
  • Just respond honestly. If you are curious, maybe ask him a question about the situation. Sympathetic, apologize. Most people I have talked to (cabbies included) have been more than happy to talk to someone about where they came from, despite the situation there. If they seem upset about it, though, it might be wise to change the subject.
  • I'm with Loto. I just ask them about what's going on in their country- what they think of it, do they have family etc. Most people I use this approach with are usually surprised that an american (I'm not but people assume I am) 1. know anything about their country and 2. give a rat's ass. In a few cases I've sensed immediately that the person wasn't particularly comfortable with the subject and I just change the subject or shut up. No harm-no foul.
  • I'm with kamus. I think I might ask the more personal questions first: "Did you get out before the trouble started?" Do you still have family there? Are they ok?" If they don't seem comfortable with questions about the situation, ask them what Sudanese food is like and are there any good local restaurents.
  • Nod knowingly. Leave a big tip.
  • I would be a little more ambiguous, preferring not to directly ask questions about family members who may still be there (dead or alive). I think that my initial statement (not question) would be: "That's so sad, what's happening in ________." That would give the other person the option to either simply agree, or give him/her the opportunity to open up the conversation a bit more.
  • i love talking to cabbies and do it every time (well, except when you get the silent, surly type). often they're worried about what's going on back home and seem relieved that someone else is also concerned. i ask if they have family back there, if they've heard from them, how often they get home, say i wish them the best, that type of thing. mainly i've noticed if they discover you're open to them, they'll do most of the talking. and yes, i'm with dogburp, nice tip.
  • posted by SideDish at 01:19AM UTC on October 17 Good!
  • Ask them if they miss home. This'll give them an opportunity to talk about the good things back home, if they choose, or the bad things back home, if they choose. It gives them control of the conversation, and they'll take where they feel like.
  • ditto all the above--I think it just depends on the person you're talking to as to how the conversation goes. My experience/belief is that many of the Middle Eastern people are very open about themselves. They like to talk about family and their hometowns, and they like to hear about your family, too. With the current political situation, anyone needing less than SPF 87 probably appreciates just being treated like a human being instead of a terrorist suspect. /mild rant
  • With the current political situation, anyone needing less than SPF 87 probably appreciates just being treated like a human being instead of a terrorist suspect. This is probably kinda bleeding heart liberal of me but when I talk to someone with a turban or from Pakistan or anyone likely to be racially profiled at an airport, I find myself trying hard to give the impression that I'm not dismissive of them or their culture because I figure they go through the day dealing with people who are dismissive. It could be my imagination but I often feel like I get a certain sense of relief from these people who are used to everybody assuming they had a part in bringing down the World Trade Center as Bluehorse notes.
  • Good stuff from everyone...I think I'll go with "So, do you go back to visit sometimes?" that way, they can just say "No" and change the subject if they don't want to talk about it, or they can start a conversation about what their country is like, either as it is now, or maybe before the shit hit the fan if that's more comfortable. Yay! Y'all are a font of simian civility.
  • I very much doubt that a person from the Sudan would mind your curious questions, but you might want to be sensitive when bringing up the problems that exist there. We in the west frequently only hear about trouble in other nations, and rarely are exposed to the rest of the culture that exists there. Too often, disease and war and terrorism (and oil resources....) are the only aspects of certain parts of the world that are reported on. It might be better to have asked the driver some more innocuous questions at first: how long had he lived here, did he come here directly from the Sudan or had he lived elsewhere, that sort of thing. By his responses, you'd be able to judge whether or not to ask more sensitive questions. A parallel: if, after Robert Pickton was arrested, you were asked predominately about serial killings when people found out you were from B.C., would it start to get on your nerves? I know I've gritted my teeth a few times when I've told people I'm from Missouri: yes, we do wear shoes there, and there are high schools, too. Anyway, I just think that people might not always want to dwell on tragedy. The Sudan has art, cuisine, music and much more positive culture to discuss. Don't pointedly ignore the tragedy, but it might be a bit rude to bring it up as the first point of conversation.
  • If you feel underinformed about Darfur, I recommend tonight's (oct 22, 2006) 60 Minutes if you have it Tivo'ed or some other access. It is a solemn reminder of the total, unbelievable awfulness that is Darfur and that the north american media so steadfastly ignores.
  • As a Canadian, respond in the same way you would when you hear someone is from the United States. They are in the news all the time. Do you give them crocodile tears for Bush? Most people are genuine, good people. What's worse is adopting someone's politics and feeling uncomfortable because you don't want them to feel uncomfortable. I was speaking to a guy the other day who told me he was Bosnian. He had a friend who was Serbian who was sitting having coffee with him, the guy from Bosnia told me he learned english from George Carlin tapes. We had a lot of material to laugh about in our conversations. The Serbian guy kept arguing against war, while his friend kept arguing that war was a necessary evil. As a person ignorant to war in my home country (unless you want to pretend that the "war on terror" and the "war on drugs" are real visceral homewrecking wars that spill onto my northern, neighborly tv screen) I didn't feel uncomfortable for my ignorance, at least I was learning something about these two people who seemed like good, genuine people. I couldn't give a fuck forlearning about war from a stranger.
  • Reiterate: I couldn't give a fuck for learning about war from a stranger. But I really don't mind hearing the opinions of a friendly voice.
  • IC, if that comment is/was directed at me, I have no idea what your point is. For that matter, even if it was not, I have no idea what your point is. Have a nice day.
  • MonkeyFilter: I have no idea what your point is.
  • No, it was for the 2004 original post. I saw Oct. 16th and posted. Not everything is about you, Ralph. Excluding everything, of course.
  • Thanks for the heads up RTD. I'd bet it's bouncing around those Internets as well. IndolentChamp: That's pretty funny, did he have Carlin's accent down? Like he sounded like a gritty NYC cabbie or something?
  • He reminded me of the cabbie from "Brain Candy," actually, if you've seen.