September 14, 2004

• they have black people in houston now?
• even if you leave out the "homie" part, that's mighty suspicious behaviour. i would be mildly concerned.
• I think the word you are looking for is "casing," not "stalking."
• First, it's nice to hear from someone from Houston -- I went to college there. I also lived in a pretty bad neighborhood while I lived there. I would make sure that your MIL has pepper spray on her keychain, and that she carry that at all times. (That's just good advice in general for women living alone.) That place down in Galveston, Col. Bubbies on the Strand (if it's still open) carries pepper spray with dye in it. That way you can tell the cops to look for the guy with the orange day-glo face. Even if this guy is just someone who likes to watch out for older ladies (and those guys do exist), she'll feel more confident carrying the spray. Also, does her apartment have deadbolts? If not, ask the landlords if they'll install some. (I seem to remember that renter's rights in TX say that landlords have to provide some type of deadbolt.) If they won't I'd put in a chain. Hope everything turns out all right!
• I dont think its necessary to analyze the situation overly. trust your instincts, obviously they are telling you (and MIL) something here. it doesnt matter what. be careful, take extra precautions in entering/leaving car/building/dark hallways/whatever. I would continue to be generally polite should one of you encounter said "homie" another time. I dont think its a good idea to be confrontational, however, I have found that simple, direct acknowledgement of another's presence, such as yr wife asking about the laundry, is a good way to let someone know you are aware of their presence around you without seeming accusatory in any way. I have lived in cities for all of my adult life, and (particularly as a female) have tried to develop a way of dealing with potentially "scary" situations without becoming a suspicious, conclusion-jumping-to pyscho, but at the same time protecting myself. I have erred to both sides and been wrong on both sides. ultimately the safety of your own self and family is the most important thing.
• roly, I was not implying that you are in any way being a conclusion-jumping-to psycho, only that I have been one myself!!
• Suspicious, certainly, but not yet stalking material. While the guy does seem like a bit of a weirdo - and possibly considerably more than "a bit" - it's not yet clear if the weirdness is targetted at your MIL, or to be more precise, exclusively targetted at her. That there's been two encounters over the past couple of days is not yet outside the realms of coincidence. In terms of suggestions for what to do, I'd say there's very little which lies outside the realm of common sense. Be on the lookout for the next week or two - not obsessively so, but just to check that he's not covertly watching in addition to the physical encounters. Ask neighbours if they've seen him too - does he act weird with them? Is he known to them? Have they seen him acting weird outside your MIL's house? As meredithea said, carry pepper spray or a personal alarm. It will be a reassurance at the very least, which is in many ways the most important thing. If he approaches her again, or noticeably follows her, I suspect there'll be two schools of thought regarding how she should interact with him. Some people might well suggest maintaining the attempt to engage him in conversation, and perhaps politely let him know that his behaviour can be worrying. I'd recommend trying the opposite approach. Your MIL has tried to engage him in conversation twice without much success - so she should try ignoring him. Not pointedly so (as in obviously crossing the street to avoid him) but simple no-eye-contact, no greeting, no acknowledgment tactics. Rule #1 of the city: Do Not Attract The Crazy Man's Attention. If problems persist, she should contact the police if there is any hint of a threat (as much to find out if they know anything about him as for personal protection). If it persists, but there is no obviously threatening behaviour, contact police and/or social services. Once again, the response of "Oh, Mad Bob. Everybody knows Mad Bob. It's OK, he's harmless" is far from unlikely, and could at the very least be a mild (if imperfect) reassurance.
• Thanks, good suggestions, I will pass them along.
  Update: My MIL called just now. She that they were on edge so they had the police come by. The officer said he had gotten a 'casing' report from another woman in the complex, and he figured the guy may not be casing but may be mentally deficient. The officer drove around the neighborhood to check around, then came back, and it was all enough to settle my MIL's nerves. She didn't get the officer's card, though, so I asked her to call dispatch and get the name of the officer in case there's another problem later on.
  Meredithea: Hello! I'm actually not in Houston but in Austin. My wife & 8-month old son are visiting there this week.
  Medusa: No prob, I didn't read anything bad out of that.
• I'm a native Houstonian (living in the NYC metro area now) and my mother, who's a little older than your MIL, lives in far west Houston. I agree that you should be concerned. When I lived in rough neighborhoods, including off Gulfton when I was freshly divorced, I picked up some habits like making sure I always had my keys in hand to go inside, and that I had a panic button (my Saturn had one) when I was going to the car. I also was happy to use the services of big bruiser guy friends for company when I thought that would help. If you think the guy might get her name/phone number, make sure she has it unlisted or listed first-initial-last-name only (B Smith). Also, you record her answering machine message. You might also talk to the complex management. While security is never there for the tenants, just for property, a heads-up can't hurt. And if the guy doesn't belong on the property, they may run him off for you. Your MIL should keep an eye on her surroundings all the time, and watch out for suspicious characters (this guy counts), but she should do that anyway. Wedge-I think Houston's officially majority-minority now. HISD was by the time I graduated HS in the mid-1980s. On preview: Pepper spray is good too. And I'm glad HPD checked it out, roly. Your MIL or wife should definitely get the cop's name and number and if there's any kind of incident report, the number for that, too.
• I agree with the pepper-spray, dead-bolt, and ignore-him comments. If it was me, I wouldn't talk to him unless he talked to me first, and then I'd try to be polite but extremely brief, and leave as quickly as possible. Yes, it sucks for him, if he's just a friendly dude, that people avoid him when he's done them no harm (epsecially if through no fault of his own he's mentally or emotionally handicapped). But unfortunately, when you're physically vulnerable (and that involves most women and old people), you have to be cautious.
• Why settle for pepper spray when she can now buy an AK-47?
• MILF...someone had to say it. (sorry)
• There's nothing to worry about. The world is safer with Saddam Hussein gone.
• A shout out to other Austinites! Woohoo!
• A bit of an over-reaction.
• It's pronounced "MILILF"
• Why settle for pepper spray when she can now buy an AK-47? She always could buy an AK-47. Lots of pre ban 47 floating around and large capacity magazine were easily procured as well. But a pump action shotgun is a much better home defense weapon.
• Jesus. You people are all insane. (Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm begging for something bad to happen by feeling thankful that I lead a boring life in a boring country where people don't carry pepper spray...)
• I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
• why don't you just go ahead and say you're talking about a black man? what's the point of hinting at that fact with code words like "homie" and "shuffling"? we all get the implication. why use euphemisms that don't quite conceal the tacit racism they contain? and since the individual's "homie"ness is significant in some way, i for one would like to know why. is it more likely that he'll do something to your mother in law because he's a "homie"? because he's (apparently) from low-income housing? just what are you saying?
• He shouldn't be looking out for his MIL because a "homie" from low-income housing is apparently following her. He should be looking out for his MIL because a stranger is apparently following her and she's 65 years old.
• couldn't this fellow just be trying to follow up on what was a friendly gesture made to him by you MIL? her direct eye contact and greeting may have seemed an unexpected opportunity to make friends that he is trying to figure out how to develop. ok, i'm an innocent. i do like to meet people to find out what their motivation is and frequently greet and chat up people who are not the regulars on our street, just for that purpose.
• Action should be taken. Post the details to Something Awful, and get them to stalk the stalker. Then we can all read about it and laugh.
• it's a city. people hang out. sometimes they make eye contact. sometimes they hang out more, and even open a door for you. that's what i love about cities.
• It's not just being friendly if he doesn't seem to want to talk to her - just follow her and/or case the apartment complex. I would bet on mental problems from the sound of it. Who cases a pool? And to me, the word 'homie' would connote gangster-type clothes, rather than race. But I'm not from Houston - maybe the homies are all black there. But 'shuffling'? How does that mean black? I read that as suspicious behavior (or just not being in a rush), rather than a color.
• "Minorities are portrayed as stereotypes," says Greenwald. He admits it's an old criticism. Still, not much has changed. "The shuffling, watermelon-eating black has been replaced by the inner-city criminal black," he says. taken from this article that is conveniently australian (sydney morning herald), given the downunder contingent so evident on this site. if you still think there's nothing to this, why not explore your own (perhaps unconscious) biases by participating in a harvard research project. as for the "homie" remark, ask yourself: if i was telling this story to black people, would i use that word? as it happens, that's a good standard for many expressions.
• What's funny is that I took "shuffling" to mean homeless. As in some old, bent-over looking guy shuffling 'round the corner and talking to himself.
• Same here, Nickdanger. And the "homie" thing, unfortunately and probably inappropriately, made me think of Homie the Clown. But having your mother-in-law being hit by a clown with a sock full of coins yelling, "Homie don't play dat!" is probably not likely. But in any case, I'm glad it's been resolved, at least partially, rolypolyman. My first thought was that this one someone a little mentally slower than most, having worked with mentally handicapped kids when I was younger. But sometimes in those cases, while their intentions are good, their understanding of other peoples' reactions aren't and they may harm someone without meaning to. That makes me sound like a horrible, paranoid person, I know. But when it's an older person on their own, like other people have said, it's better to be safe than sorry.