November 20, 2010

Truths for mature humans The pants puzzled me at first, but of course it's trousers.
  • My Mature Responses... #1: When I die it REALLY won't matter what's on my computer... #2: What sucks for me is when I realize a conversation is now an argument. #3: No number of past naps will make it easier to get through the times I feel like napping NOW. #4: I've always supported an HTML Sarcasm Tag, but a font? Isn't that Comic Sans? #5: Fitted sheets are my excuse for NEVER folding bedding. #6: I couldn't read the handwriting on this one. #7: If you don't live on a cul-de-sac, there is more than one way to leave your neighborhood. There are services that need "skip ahead" a lot more than MapQuest. #8: Cause of death is one thing the intended prime audience of obituaries (friends & relatives) DON'T want in their scrapbooks. more to come...
  • #2 My favorite moments are when I discover I was wrong. We can learn so much more that way. #4 You should absolutely never use italics as your sarcasm font. #7 If I am trying to get home from somewhere else I really need those first 5 steps. The rest is all down hill. #10 [Other people's] Bad descisions make great stories.
  • Oh, heavens! Here's that amuzing email that's been forwarded around the world and into my mailbox at least 23,131,531 times! *waits for Monkeys to improve upon it*
  • I'm workin' on it, Gran Ma... #9: If you are never relaxed or excited enough to forget you're tired... then you're never relaxed or excited enough. #10: If your bad decisions are your best stories, you're doing it ALL wrong. #11: 2PM gets an undeserved bad rep, mostly from people who have never worked the Graveyard Shift. #12: I think it's easier to just ignore BlueRay and save the HD experience for after they perfect it. #13: In programs like Word, you ALWAYS make some kind of change you don't remember. Not an issue. #14: Caller ID usually tells me if whoever is calling is someone I want to talk with. When no name shows, it's ALWAYS someone I don't. #15: I've gotten a good look at the contents of my freezer, and I'd prefer it to remain unlit. #16: I'll go farther: I'd say far more kisses begin with beer, wine, silly looking cocktails, pot, breath mints, unexpected compliments and force of habit than with Kay Jewelers. stay tuned for part 3...
  • and the big finish... #17: Drag-and-Drop Route Changes: Google Maps have them. Isn't it great to write "you know what we need" rants 15 minutes before it's made available? #18: Eating out of boredom? you must be even fatter than I am! (Unless you're doing the impossible and NOT boring yourself with this) #19: The number of allowable "What"s vary directly by how well you know someone: two for complete strangers, five for a best friend. Next question... #20: If you've ever seen more than four cars work together to cut off a jerk driver, you must live in a tougher neighborhood than I ever have. #21: Trousers get dirty. With a dark enough color they never LOOK dirty, but they are still dirty. If every dog you meet won't stop sniffing your crotch, WASH YOUR PANTS. #22: Does anybody really know what time it is? Because the third time you look at your watch, it really IS later than the first time. #23: As long as the alarm clock remains in the same location, you can always hit the snooze button easily after three of four wake-ups. And few things in life are more likely to stay in the same location than an alarm clock. #24: The time lag between using a cup and a helmet seems much longer in Hockey than other sports, but then, it's a sport played on a frozen surface with wooden sticks, a hard, flat 'ball' and sharp things on your feet, so allow for a higher level of insanity. Of course, Soccer (non-American Football) still doesn't use helmets, but I've never seen a player intentionally bounce a ball off their crotch. #25: Was this trip really necessary?
  • into my mailbox at least 23,131,531 times! Think of me as an embarassing auntie. ;)
  • I think of all you monkeys as the crazy aunts & uncles I never had, and I hope you think the same of me.
  • [Other people's] Bad descisions make great stories. Afraid I have to disagree with ThinksTwice on that one. Telling the story about the time I told a man with a gun pointed at me to go fuck himself is every bit as great fun as telling the story about the friend who tried to seduce a man through a combo of past life memories and the need to save the world from destruction by psychic forces. If somewhat less weird.
  • Clutter from a Monkey Mind 1.Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." Edgar Allen Poe 2.If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said, 'No.' Stevie Smith 3.when it comes to knitting up the ravelled sleeve of care we're awed by the example of the hibernating bear 4.Nothing can be sole or whole That has not been rent. W.B. Yeats 5.Wouldn’t it be great to write nothing at all except poems about bears? Hayden Carruth 6.What are all these kissings worth If thou kiss not me? Shelley 7.Progress might have been all right once but it has gone on too long. Ogden Nash 8.oh Lana Turner we love you get up Frank O'Hara
  • 9.Eight times emerging from the flood She mew'd to every watery god Some speedy aid to send. Thomas Grey 10.A poem should be equal to: Not true. Archibald MacLeish 11.What rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches toward Bethelehem to be born? W.B. Yeats 12.It's a fact the whole world knows, That Pobbles are happier without their toes. Edward Lear 13.I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me, and what can be the use of him is more than I can see. Robert Louis Stevenson 14.He jests at scars that never felt a wound. Shakespeare 15.The north wind doth blow, And we shall have snow, And what shall the robin do then, Poor thing? Anon 16.Jenny kissed me when we met. Leigh Hunt
  • 17.Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. Victor Borge is beautiful and we know that if we get too close it will kill us but what does that matter it is better to be happy for a moment and be burned up with beauty than to live a long time and be bored all the while archy/Don Marquis 19.all ignorance toboggans into know and trudges up to ignorance again e e cummings 20.The rain it raineth every day Upon the just and unjust fellow, But more upon the just, because The unjust hath the just's umbrella. Anon 21.Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance. Shakespeare 22.The sweetest hours that ere I spend Are spent among the lasses, O. Robert Burns 23.There is no money in poetry, but then there is no poetry in money, either. Robert Graves 24.And, as imagination bodies forth The form of things unknown, the poet's pen Turns them to shapes, and gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name. Shakespeare
  • *double take* Christophine? Zat U?
  • I'm just a figment of your imagination, Grammaw. ;)
  • I'm just a pigment of your imagination. A rather odd (but not pukey) shade of green.
  • Zombie foop?