April 22, 2010

The Prophet Mohammed has lots of venerated relics associated with him. Some of them are downright weird. My favorite is his footprints. The claim is that wherever he went, Mohammed's left foot left a semi-permanent impression. Mohammed is Bigfoot?

There's also Merlin's Beard! Mohammed's Beard and tons of others. While posting this, I discovered that a lot of other religions have sacred footprints, as well. I figured Vishnu would have left bigger footprints. Time Magazine has a nice collection of relics, including John the Baptist's head, which is either in Syria, Turkey, Italy, or France.

  • Maybe he was doing the Hokey-Pokey... You put your left foot in, You put your left foot out; You put your left foot in, And you shake it all about. You do the Hokey-Pokey, And you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about!
  • So.... The prophet must have had two left feet, and his slippers shrunk? Or just that only three of them fell out of the sky during the Ascension to Heaven? And only one sandal that looks like the other slipper? All his hair fell out so he lost his turban? I'm confused about these things. Of course, saint's finger bones, splinters of the true cross, and most of Mary's clothes (tunic, mantle, dress, veil, belt, sandals, wedding ring--poor woman must have ascended nekked) have always been puzzlers, too. Shoot, it's worse than hair and teeth, how about blood, tears, breast milk, and the umbilical cord?
  • Mohammed was a pirate. He had a peg leg and a parrot. Mo hid out on an islet, and fed his bird curds with a carrot.
  • We all keep heirlooms and mementos, and may ourselves become walking relics of glorious former days, apocryphal or not. *Throws another log on the campfire*
  • Anyone care to buy freshly minted relics? Lessee... I could probably spare this dirty shirt, these fingernail clippings, and yesterday's chicken drumstick the precious forefinger of St. BlueHorse.
  • Saint BlueHorse' precious fingers were... like drumsticks made of chicken, Her ancient heart of clockwork cogs... no one can stop it tickin', That mane of silver on her neck... your curdled blood will thicken, The foe is loose, the chase afoot... her hoof beats start to quicken! Verse 1 of "The Ballad of Saint BlueHorse" by Ambrose Bierce as "Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J."