November 21, 2009

• Simulations of specific bus functions!! I initially thought that it was clever hoax but it appears to be a Teutonically earnest attempt to create what must be the most stupifyingly dull game of all time. Great find, Hank!
• the most stupifyingly dull game of all time Oh, I don't know. I never played it, but I was told the MS Space Shuttle Simulator was the ultimate in anoraky tedium, requiring you to work through many hours of realistic pre-flight checks in real time before you could even take off.
• In real life, leaving the Port Authority Bus Terminal in NY, the driver said, "There's smoke coming out the exhaust, should we continue on to Philadelphia, or should we go back and you wait for the next bus?" *Democracy in action* We all said to continue. But the smoke started coming INSIDE the bus. The windows wouldn't budge, but the opened vents on top tried their best to purify the air. Half way down the Jersey Turnpike, the smoke was getting thick. Some black girls in the back stood up and marched to the front. "We're getting off here," they demanded. The bus pulled over. We all meekly followed our leaders outside, where a sleet rain was fallin on our poorly prepared backs. There were FLAMES shooting up from the back of the bus. I swear as high again as the bus was tall! "She's gonna blow," someone added. We rushed forward to stand near a culvert and wait for the next scheduled bus, after all, miserable, but charmed like the jet passengers who crash landed in the Hudson River recently. It is an experience that could well be added to this game to spice it up. Then there was another fine commuter trip, when the traffic stopped in the right lane. The bus moved to pass, but an irate driver swerved to block our progress. A blond guy jumped out to block the one remaining lane, calling out the bus driver to fight him. I never saw, but I guess our bus tried to cut him off. This individual single handedly blocked the lane for maybe three minutes before his girl friend coaxed him back into their car. It was real. Always the best game!
• If you REALLY want to have fun, apply to be a school bus driver. This is the time of year the noobs who started in the fall start to bail. Tons o' fun!!!
• The father of my son's best friend took a job as a school bus driver. He distributed teddy bears to the kids at Christmas time. He was suspended and investigated for possible pedophilia! Proven false, of course. But WTF?
• Then there was the bus ride in C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce to put the icing on the cake and make this game great. This was the bus that picked up souls in hell, then rose up to let them have a day trip for sight seeing in heaven, as it were. This bus rose up out of an endless slum city situated down in a chasm that turned out to be merely a crack in the floor... Any other ideas for the game? What if we could get royalties? Just pretend.
• They also sell the Garbage Truck Driver Simulator, Forklift 2009 and Fishing 2010.. and for your really emotional days: be the Tow Truck! astragon.de/simulationen Holy shit.