December 11, 2007

On U.S. presidential candidate Mike Huckabee. From a link posted by the ever-vigilant thread updater H Dawg in the Giuliani thread.
  • He is coming along like a freight train, isn’t he? I may very well have to revise my 2008 prediction of Fred Thompson winning it all... Huckabee is likeable. Very, very likeable. However batshit crazy he is, and however large his trail of destruction is, these things won’t matter. With the American political landscape as polarized as it is, the election will (once again) be decided by the undecideds, those who haven’t been paying attention, as those are the only votes in play. For them, Huckabee’s terrible record simply doesn’t enter into their choice to vote. They’ll see a nice guy, who says things that sound good, and why go in for all that Clinton nonsense again? As well, in a broader sense, there’s an appetite for change. Huckabee fits very well into that, as he’s not of the Washington Establishment (however you want to define that – a Senator, of a dynasty, whatever). Obama means too much change. Hilary may represent too much change, or too little. The undecideds may want change, but their kind of change. In effect, it’s 2000 all over again, just expanded. Bush’s reprehensible record as Governor didn’t figure into it then, either. There’s two things going against Huckabee right now – a lack of money, and a lack of support from inside the GOP hierarchy. This may probably be enough to kill him, no matter his popular support – as makes for another 2000 parallel, in the way McCain was smothered by the party insiders in favour of Bush. Which brings up the question of who will take the nomination, the presidency (as I see no other outcome than the Republicans winning). Guiliani has the cash and inside-party support, apparently, but may just be too liberal for the base. Things would count on the red staters being scared shitless of terrorists and Hilary, which is certainly possible. Thus, my Thompson prediction, as he can be molded into something more palatable than Guiliani, as Thompson is a) an actor, and b) dumb as a sack of hammers, thus allowing the party men to go on uninterrupted, business as usual. In my humble, jaded opinion. YMMV.
  • “Interestingly enough,” Huckabee allowed, “if there was ever an occasion for someone to have argued against the death penalty, I think Jesus could have done so on the cross and said, ‘This is an unjust punishment and I deserve clemency’.” Interestingly enough, Jesus wouldn't have needed somebody else to take Him off.
  • Huckabee is likeable. Very, very likeable. However batshit crazy he is, and however large his trail of destruction is, these things won’t matter. My sincerest hope is that he gets close enough to the finish line to feel the pressure, and that the national media keeps digging into his ethics record and hammering away at him. If and when that happens, you'll see that likability fall away fairly quickly. He's a noticeably thin-skinned man, and his tenure as a Southern Baptist pastor got him very used to having power and not being questioned (also got him used to being handed cash and gifts, which he lurves mightily, legalities be damned -- er, danged). That mentality revealed itself almost immediately after he became gub'ner, when he made it clear he wasn't interested to answering to anyone, not the voters, and certainly not the press. He wanted to set up his own little kingdom and rule as an enlightened monarch, power granted to him by the Holy Will of God. If the press starts really putting his feet to the fire, my hope is everyone will see what a Huckster Patented Tantrum is like, and realize that he's George W. Bush with an even firmer belief that God is on his side.
  • Man, this guy is scary. Never underestimate the stupidity of the 'merkun peeps.
  • Well, to be fair, he does have two advantages over what we've got now: (1) He does more than give lip service about his concern for the poor -- his term as gub actually scrubbed out most of those old Reagan-era "welfare queen" prejudices, and (2) He can string a goddamn sentence together.
  • So... he's like any sixth-grader with a conscience?
  • Well, a rich dude bought him some nice suits, too.
  • Same old righteous bull. Rah, rah, religion! Got to kill us some infidels. Womens back in the kitchen, gays are evil, says so in the Bible. Poor corporations need to have a tax break.
  • This guy is fucking great. He's gonna totally, totally split the Rethug vote. He's an absolute gift to the Democrats. I bet they're grinning from ear to ear. The dumbfuck Jezoids will go for him despite any crazy shit he says that repels everyone else, because they aren't gonna go for Ghouliani the serial adulterer pro-abortionist, and certainly not for Romney who is Mormon, thus too crazy even for crazy Jezoids. The GOP corporate masters won't have him in the WH cos he actually believes that religious horseshit, can't have him holding the purse strings. That he is batshit loco really doesn't matter, it's that he can't be controlled. Fox news, who openly support Ghouliani, will start major attack operations on Fuckabee shortly, if they haven't already. But Murdoch (/spit) is actually hoping for Hillary, it appears, to judge by his campaign contribution, or just hedging bets. She is Neoconservative in everything but name, & I would imagine Kristol, Wolfowitz, Perle et al would not be too damn unhappy to see her get in. God help the Yanks if that woman gets the Democratic nomination, although I have a sneaking suspicion she won't. I personally think she's far too divisive since so many people loathe her, but never put it past the US Democrats to field a fucking hopelessly unelectable candidate to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Kucinich actually looks like the best Democrat on the list, but he has no chance. He actually appears to be sane, and the US does not elect sane or intelligent people. Obama is probably the guy, but it is too early to call. It would be good from an international perspective if Obama got into the White House. There's this Ron Paul thing going on, but if you actually look at his record, he's relentlessly pro corporate and doesn't believe in the separation of Church & State, which most of the people who support him seem oblivious to. He'll never have a chance, since he wants to demolish the Federal Reserve (which was something Kennedy wanted to do, along with dissolve the CIA, two things I'm convinced helped him get ventilated) and the IRS. The PTB don't shoot Presidents any more, things are subtle now, and the media does the hit. With Paul it seems to amount to studiously ignoring him. Although maybe if Obama gets into the WH someone will try to shoot him. All this will be entertaining, no doubt.
  • someone will try to shoot him. Oprah will protect him with her secret powers.
  • Oprah is horrendous.
  • Kucinich actually looks like the best Democrat on the list, but he has no chance. He actually appears to be sane, and the US does not elect sane or intelligent people. So sad. So true. .
  • Oprah is the new Cronkite! We're fucking doomed...
  • Kucinich actually looks like the best Democrat on the list, but he has no chance. He actually appears to be sane, and the US does not elect sane or intelligent people. Not if they're short and funny looking and don't ooze tough-guy charisma, no. Unfortunate.
  • The current guy is short and funny looking, oozes physical cowardice and petulance. I think it has more to do with the media spin. Yanks have had loads of weird, ugly little trolls as president. When was there a good looking one? Even JFK was weird, he was bright orange! Looks have nowt to do with it, Perot could have gotten in if he could have marshaled the criminal & media muscle, with support from the 1% rulership class.
  • Edwards is the only electable Democrat. If they pick anyone else, they lose to the Repubs.
  • The current guy is short and funny looking, oozes physical cowardice and petulance. He's not handsome, I'll grant you, but neither does he look like he lives in Bag End. And though I agree with the physical cowardice and petulance point, a lot of people actually bought into that brush-clearing cowboy bullshit affectation of his. He talks a pretty good game. And bottom line is this: Americans are always, always going to go with the guy who makes them feel safe, and the stronger and more charismatic he appears (regardless of the reality), the more likely they'll identify him with filling that role. Is he smart enough? Who gives a fuck? Kucinich, who I think would make a solid president, is a tiny man who doesn't eat meat or eggs or drink milk and is therefore in the minds of a majority of my countrymen (may they grow the fuck up) capable of intimidating nobody. Even FDR, elderly and in a wheelchair, had an imposing and somewhat debonair presence. Even bland old Eisenhower, the last truly great Republican president, though not terribly charismatic or imposing even in uniform, still actually had a uniform and oozed his own kind of understated gravitas. He was all business, someone to be taken seriously. He would. Defend. America. Kucinich ultimately has this effect if you hear him talk long enough, but ours is a soundbite culture. America just won't give him the chance to win them over.
  • You would think that Mrs. Kucinich has enough good looks for the two of them...
  • To wit: The Love Song of Dennis J. Kucinich. (Which also goes on about that UFO non-issue. It was a flying object he could no identify -- that makes it an unidentified flying object. And for all the Repub's mockery of the UFO thing, they're conveniently forgetting that Reagan saw two...)
  • ...they're conveniently forgetting that Reagan saw two... And that his wife consulted an astrologist.
  • Even JFK was weird, he was bright orange! Puffy, too. He had Addison's.
  • Yeah, I left out that and all his other ailments cos we'd be here all night. mct, I hear you, I am just sad that people don't take Kucinich seriously. The fact he can land a hot wife should be enough to prove his machismo. That speaks volumes for his manliness (or bank account, but, you know..) rocket88.. Edwards may be a viable and good candidate, he's shitloads better than Hillary anyway, but I doubt what you say. I read a lot of political blogs' comments, I don't hear anyone saying that about Edwards or the other candidates. He's certainly not taken seriously by the Republicans. I think even Giuliani would shit all over him. From over here, he appears weak, he does not seem as large or loud as Obama or Clinton. What he says does not seem to have impact. Appearance: too smooth, and the hair is a bit poncey. He's probably a contender if he keeps trying in another election, when he's a bit craggier. I very much doubt if Obama is unelectable. I think he's got a good chance. Hillary is truly unelectable, IMHO, she's a horror. Oh, we could argue about this but it would be pointless, it is so subjective. Who the fuck knows? I can only be certain in my analysis of Fuckabee, and perhaps Giuliani, who I believe will sink pretty soon as everyone appears to be growing tired of his constant 9/11 bullshit, despite the cheerleading on Fox. I would be very surprised if the Repubs win, no matter who they field. Americans appear to be sick of the GOP and their war. And Bush has poisoned them. Everything he touches turns to shit, people want free of his wretched blight. Add to that the schism now emerging in the party base... But the US populace haven't really got any choice, because the 2 party system is a joke and both sides are corrupt and full of fucking assholes. Plus, electoral college. Your real President just won the Nobel. If they do put the Republicans back in after all this shit, then to fucking hell with the lot of 'em. That would be catastrophically stupid. I will write the whole country off and laugh as more bad things happen. Which is not to say I haven't been laughing already, but.. You need a fucking good violent revolution with lots of people in the ruling class put up against the wall and shot. Just the way Jefferson suggested.
  • and weirdly, that comment froze in the pipes as I tried to submit, making me wonder if my calls for violent overthrow of the US' 1% rich assholes have been gobbled up by the FBI's CARNIVORE, and I'm being watched. FUCK YOU ASSHOLES I GOT AN AK47
  • Can we talk about Australian politics instead? It seems much more fun...
  • Oh that's nothing. Normal, in fact, for Oz politicians. This is a fucking laid back country, mans. He was just a senator. We had a crazy ex-PM who lost his pants in a Memphis hotel under somewhat sleazy circumstances. Porn, hookers, rorts, it's fucking awesome. Come and live here, dued, we just got rid of a fucking warmonger, and it's a labor government. We got a rockstar in charge of the fucking environment. Things are looking up. Puff puff, give give.
  • I hate to say this, but all it would take is a rumour (true or not) that Obama once dated a white woman and he's dead meat. This is America we're talking about. Electing a woman is slightly easier, but still a long shot. It pretty much has to be someone who can at least appear like he could wrestle a steer to the ground or knock a few beers back with the boys or a good chunk of America won't even consider them. That leaves Edwards, Gravel and Biden. I'd love nothing more than to be proven wrong, but my opinion of America and Americans is at a nadir right now.
  • Yeah, I left out that and all his other ailments cos we'd be here all night. And the lengths he went to, to conceal those ailments (some of which have only become general knowledge in recent years) speaks very much to the phenomenon MCT describes. The public seems to crave a President who projects that quarterback image regardless of its verity. they're conveniently forgetting that Reagan saw two And that his wife consulted an astrologist And that the current President hears voices that tell him what the correct policy decisions are. As long as the voices are calling themselves "God" and not "General Jack Cosmo," I guess it's OK.
  • Didn't Obama actually date white women? My source on that is an SNL skit, where Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton ranked Obama's 'blackness' on a sliding scale, so I stand to be corrected...
  • "I'd love nothing more than to be proven wrong, but my opinion of America and Americans is at a nadir right now." When you put it like that, I have to agree. But I am really trying to think more positive, lately. Personally, I would trust a guy who saw a UFO over a guy who believes in God any day of the week. Some fairly credible people actually see UFOs, and they ping on radar. Only wack jobs see gods, and they've not been detected by any scientific device. Except for the FSM. But it doesn't matter, because Americans apparently believe in almost everything anyway. What is it with your fucking country? You seem real friendly, but there are so many fucking dumbasses!
  • What is it with your fucking country? You seem real friendly, but there are so many fucking dumbasses! There's a lot of us, so there's gonna be a healthy number of assholes no matter what. And we've got a lot of money, so our assholes can display their assholishness all over the world. And our culture has become dominated by consumerism, so our values are often fucked up. BTW I've seen a UFO and I don't believe in God!
  • Someone I know who was a complete skeptic, I mean an ultra skeptic, saw a big black triangle with lights on it UFO. I was like, holy fucking shit, I've been looking out for the things my whole life, why this person not me?
  • What is it with your fucking country? Peter Pan Guy got married. Everything changed.
  • We grew up too quickly, kind of like a child star. It'll work out.
  • We're in dire need of rehab. And we need to change all the posters to replace Uncle Sam with Mickey Mouse.
  • WAIT A MINUTE -- Peter Pan Guy got married??? Please, no one tell my girlfriend or my mother. I no longer have an excuse.
  • Edwards Is More Electable. Period. from the agonist. Maybe rocket is right.
  • Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe the war has committed American international and domestic policy for the next ten, fifteen years anyway, and the only thing that can be done is tweak the edges...
  • Looks like it's just an engagement so far. Wow. There really is somebody for everyone. I may need to rethink my misanthropic lonerhood...
  • Pretty much sums it up for me.
  • Ibid.
  • Anyone but tracicle, that's my motto.
  • and people don't believe me when I say that if you think the Australian election was about surface issues then check out the American elections.
  • Hell with climbin' over 'em. We outta shoot the barstards! /Repubrant
  • That's our Mittens!
  • I gloo, you gloo, we all gloo for igloos!
  • I was wondering when that cheap shot would come up...
  • We don't keep our customers waiting around for the cheap shots at PantsCo™.
  • [Edwards is] the only electable Democrat Seems like I've heard that construction before...but it wasn't Edwards...someone he was close friends with, though... How'd THAT work out for us?
  • Not from me...I hated Kerry.
  • Huckabee lied about having a theology degree. Stick a fork in him.
  • Holy crap. Maybe Preacher Dad used to tell him bedtime stories about St. Stephen.
  • Religious extremism produces a lot of nutcases. Many serial murderers came out of that kind of childhood. These recent shootings in the US in that church joint, the kid had been homeschooled by religious nutters. Just not psychologically healthy to bring people up with those fundie beliefs. Mutilating a dog like Fuckabee's son, that is a sign of deep mental disturbance. The results of hardcore fundamentalist religion, xtian, moslem or whatever, are never good.
  • Fair enough, rocket88--my point is just that I don't think trying to find the most "electable" candidate (when "electable" means "least likely to offend the opposition base") is a particularly productive or even helpful consideration. Especially now.
  • Yup, not surprised about the sociopathic behavior on the part of the son. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Also reading in today's paper about how F*ckabee thinks he's above the law when it comes to "gifts." Apparently he disputes that $150,000+ in cash and items doesn't constitute any compromise on his part. That amount is what they can prove. Who knows about the rest? Among the "gifted' items he claimed had nothing to do with his political position was a "small" fishing trip--nothing over a couple thou. Apparently the Huckster neglected to mention that the sponsor of said trip also "gifted" him with the "small" fishing boat--only a $20,000 item. But, wait for it!!! After the trip it was used, and our man says it wasn't worth $20K as a used boat. Actually, in the scheme of things, a $20,000 boat is no yacht, but it might sweeten your view of the giver, dontchathink? It takes a megalomaniac, at the least, to run for president.
  • *gags* That's how it's going to be, folks.
  • Yay Jesus! Yay Santa!
  • Hey, er, Yanks? Your country is fucked.
  • But the good news is, WE'RE TAKING YOU WITH US.
  • Yeah, I love it when they're so concerned about the unborn, but to hell with taking care of the ones we've already got. We need more cannon fodder!
  • "I think if a doctor knowingly took the life of an unborn child for money, and that's why he was doing it, yeah, I think you would, you would find some way to sanction that doctor..." So, Huckabee's cool if they do it on a volunteer basis? What about at cost? Stipends?
  • "I think if a doctor knowingly took the life of an unborn child for money, and that's why he was doing it, yeah, I think you would, you would find some way to sanction that doctor...I think you don't punish the woman, first of all, because it's not about ... I consider her a victim, not a criminal." OK, she's providing the money that makes it a crime, and she's not the criminal? Way to make sense, arsehole.
  • Of course. It's all about punishment for EVIL, EVIL women
  • “Interestingly enough,” Huckabee allowed, “if there was ever an occasion for someone to have argued against the death penalty, I think Jesus could have done so on the cross and said, ‘This is an unjust punishment and I deserve clemency’.” Holy freaking crap! How do these assholes continue to ignore "THOU SHALT NOT KILL" As someone else pointed out we can't have a president who believes the world is seven thousand years old. You don't really need to know much more about Mike, do you?
  • I love that quote by Huckabee. Jesus had not been charged with murder. I can't remember what he was charged with, but it was something like blasphemy. Following Huckabee's logic, it is okay to give the death penalty for people who say blasphemous things.
  • I prefer to think that the Jesus precedent means that we can, and indeed should, torture and kill all Christians.
  • /sproing
  • So an old priest was dying in the rectory. He knew the end was coming, and so he asked a young priest to bring Jean Chrétien and Brian Mulroney to his side. The young priest said that he would see what he could do, and went off to make a few calls. So, Chrétien and Mulroney got the word, and they thought it'd be really good for their public images, and so they went to the old priest's deathbed. They came into the room, and Jean took the priest's left hand, and Brian the right, and they were all quiet for a moment. After some quiet prayer, Jean asked the old priest, "Father, we're both honoured by your request to have us here in your final hour, but we must admit that we're somewhat confused by why you asked for us." The old priest said "My child, I have always tried to live my life in the same way as Our Lord Jesus." "Amen," said Brian. "Amen," said Jean. The old priest went on, "Jesus died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same." This joke brought to you by the Old Joke Archives, where we believe that the old ones are the best ones. Substitute name changes as applicable.
  • Oh for Christ's sake please.
  • Doing the Lord's Work? Why can't He do His own Work? God helps those who help themselves, except for Him...
  • *sticks head back in bucket*
  • I guess that means we're doing Satan's work. Well, I for one welcome Mr. Satan to Monkeyfilter and look forward to forging a close personal relationship and to attending future blogging/orgy/human sacrifice nights as they are announced. 666 rulz
  • Why is it that people who do the Lord's work create something that only a Satan could devise?
  • MonkeyFilter: we're doing Satan's work.
  • Oh you have got to be kidding. How is it possible that this guy is still in the race?
  • I'm not sure whether to cheer for him (since he's sure to lose the general) or against him (for obvious reasons).
  • How is it possible that this guy is still in the race? I don't have the heart to really try to answer that. Please, let them nominate McCain. For all his faults, at least he's not a nutjob, thinks torture is wrong, and at least claims to believe in the rule of law. Make him your nominee, so I don't spend months tearing my hair out with worry.
  • McCain's not a nutjob? I would argue that he almost certainly is.
  • It's going to be a long year.
  • I'm just going to treat it as a daily sitcom.
  • ...daily sitcom. shitstorm. There. Fixed that for you.
  • McCain's not a nutjob? I would argue that he almost certainly is. I'm speaking comparatively here. I'd take him over any of the rest of the Republican field any day. He doesn't think he has a mandate from God, isn't afraid to call torture torture, and is the only candidate who had the balls to say flat out that the president isn't ever above the law for any reason. It's sad that that's all it takes for you to stand out from that pack, but there you go. Fred Thompson doesn't have the crazy, but I'd be worried he'd fall asleep and lean on the button.
  • Fred Thompson does have the narcissism, arrogance, and sense of entitlement, though. (Seems to be a prerequisite for running for office in many cases. Mitt, Rudy, Hillary...) I agree that McCain's the most reasonable choice on the Republican side of the aisle. At least he occasionally seems to be able to see others' POVs, and has some ideals that he's at least occasionally reluctant to sell out on to the highest bidder. (Notwithstanding his kowtowing to the religious right in preparation for this campaign.)
  • The trick with McCain will be how much you like/trust his running mate. He'd be 72 at the start of his term.
  • I don't know if McCain is a nutjob, but there's certainly something more than a little off about his being a loyal soldier to Bush after being so thoroughly smeared by him during the 2000 campaign. For all of the talk of McCain being a principled man -- it's hard not to think of that interview where Bush was being all morally indignant about being accused of a smear campaign and 'how dare you question my integrity' blah blah blah. If McCain were as principled as everyone seems to say he is, I think his only response would be to lean over the desk, grab the guy by the collar, and say "LISTEN, you little shit..." Not that I would advocate such a response, but to sit there and just take it?!? What the hell? He does make good fries, though.
  • Good points, rocket and Cap'n.
  • Campaign button idea: "Fuck Huck." If he wins the GOP nomination, we're doing it.
  • During a visit to Scotland, Huckabee plans to enter cable tossing event in Highland Games. How much wood would that fuck Huck chuck if that fuck Huck could chuck wood?
  • During a visit to Scotland, Huckabee plans to enter cable tossing event in Highland Games. Sounds about right. The man is one big tosser.
  • I thought it was "caber" tossing. But IANAS.
  • Damn, but you're right. Don't know what happened there. *Beats self with haggis and thistle*
  • "Tossing the Cable" sounds like something an Englishman might do.
  • Wow. Just ... wow.
  • Nice. Just nice. Hah! I'm laughing now. Oh yes!
  • That's our Mike. Way to go, man. Could we be remembered for great films like War Eagle, Arkansas? Nope, that's too much to ask. We need to be associated with you.