June 15, 2007

How to fly hassle-free with sex toys. If you're one of the 500,000 (half a million!) people traveling to San Francisco for this year's Pride Parade, before you pack your one suitcase of sweaters and hot pants (you'll need both) and your five suitcases of sex toys, think about the TSA for a minute. (Ugh, not like that.) Sure, uniforms are hot, and some of you may have those nonconsensual cavity-search fantasies rarin' to go, but save your fetishes for Pink Saturday and pack your sex toys with care. Otherwise, be prepared to have your expensive toy collection ripped apart by security dogs and your favorite dick detonated by the feds. Imagine arriving and having to explain, "Honey, they blew up the Ballsy Jeff Stryker 10-inch."
  • Apologies for the three-fer of sex-and-genitals-related posts, but if this topic doesn't deserve an FPP then the terrorists have won. Or something.
  • "The airline personnel had Renee hold the vibrator up for everyone to see, as Delta employees laughed and made sexually harassing comments such as, "Doesn't your husband satisfy you?" while passengers and employees watched. Renee brought suit against Delta for intentional infliction of emotional distress." But none of the other passengers or employees said a damn thing, did they? So the terrorists apparently have won, but at least we're safe from vibrators and sippy cups.
  • Remove the batteries from all battery-operated devices Is this for real? Have they never seen any Gene Wilder movies?
  • They forgot to metion that you have to purchase a separate seat for your RealDoll - she can't just ride in your lap.
  • Bring a gimp, and then store all of your sex toys inside the gimp. Simple solution.
  • I'm sure someone can figure out an alternative suggestion for the letters UPS. Or USPS for that matter.