May 16, 2007

Oh, that poor ottoman... Aah, bless the internets, for bringing such hilarity into our lives. WARNING: Video is of such awesomeness it shouldn't be watched without the occasional pause to prevent gut rupture. Possibly NSFW. (Via Defective Yeti, others.) Merry Christmas.
posted by Capt. Renault 16 years ago
  • They didn't even buy that poor, sweet ottoman dinner or a couple of drinks first. cads. The best part has to be that even teh gheys couldn't be that ghey if we tried...
  • No. No. Just... no. NO. NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! How could anyone think that was a good idea?!
  • Er, what? Seriously. I just...no. That was awful. And gave me the creeps. Ew!
  • What the.......?
  • Uh... is that something like those japanese 'Air Sex' contests? And hope those guys were, well, protected. Now that's unsafe!
  • This is why they invented plastic-covered furniture.
  • Sweet.
  • So, does this young group of neo-expressionist male belly dancers have a name yet?
  • I've seen this kind of thing before... there was a gnome hiding in the ottoman that they were trying to bait out by using cheese. In lieu of cheese they opted to waft testicle funk towards the bashful little gremlin.
  • I loved it. My only concern is whether they were doing it for comedic effect (and the "choreographed by" and actual names posted leave to believe they were) or if, in fact, they think that this is something that is going to help them score with the ladies. Now, the scary thing to remember whenever I see something that is intended to impress the ladies (wearing pants hanging way off the ass, for example) is that somewhere, somehow this is actually works. People wouldn't wear pants that inhibit their movement if some women didn't find it hot. I have yet to find the woman who will tell me that they think walking while using one hand to hold your pants up strategically below your ass is sexy, but those women are clearly out there. So if this video is not a joke, I find the guys fucking an ottoman less disturbing than the girls/women who look at it and think, "Damn! I wish I was that ottoman!"
  • Perhaps they're hoping to get Sympathy Nookie.
  • Now, the scary thing to remember whenever I see something that is intended to impress the gentlemen (wearing shoes that warp toes and sprain ankles, for example) is that somewhere, somehow this is actually works. People wouldn't wear shoes that inhibit their movement if some men didn't find it hot.
  • Very true. Wearing high heels is absolutely just as ridiculous as wearing pants that hang off the ass. And I say that as someone who happens to find such shoes hot. And so do a lot of men of all ages. It may not make any sense, but I know of actual people who find it to be hot. The difference is that I do not know of anyone who finds the ass-hanging pants to be hot. I believe them to be out there. I just don't know who they are.
  • come on, y'all, who here swoons for a healthy plumber's crack?
  • Guilty! Bonus points if it looks like they've got a load in their pants.
  • *thinks seriously for a moment is he really wants to do that*
  • BIG bonus points if it's an ACTUAL load!
  • I think I just shit my pants reading that.
  • How come Koko never gets one a those fishtickian "thanks for elevating the tone, as always" slammers, huh? HUH? How come it's always me?
  • All judgemental are we? Like none of you have ever woken up fondling a footrest. Why do you think they call it a Harvey Wallbanger? Let your freak flag fly baby! Take your ease with an easel! It'll be a Lay-Z-Man soon enough. Running out of ideas. Wait. Ah. It's not a lazy susan it's a satisfi...no no no, doesn't flow right.
  • *curls up on the Chesterfeeled* Otherwise known as a kah-ouch, for you merkins.
  • ... or a sofar.
  • *sidles nervously past the Aims chair*
  • I love how the one boy keeps trying to keep his shorts from falling down. He's thinking "Yes, I'm humping a hassock, but we've got to keep it clean for the family viewers." And I say with a bit of shame that yes, I found it silly, but there was a part of me that found it a teeny tiny biy sexy, too. I guess I learned something about myself today.
  • MonkeyFilter: who here swoons for a healthy plumber's crack? Fish, I'm hopin' you mean an Eames chair. Otherwise, I'm not exactly sure WHAT you're aimin' at *picks up rolled newspaper and starts heading toward Ralph, just in case he needs it
  • If they had a Morris chair they'd be doing an entirely different kind of dancing.
  • All right guys, remember when, six or so years ago, the style of the slouch shorts began to appear on the trend setting brothers? Oh, how we laughed at them (in our cars where it was safe). Now it is difficult to buy shorts that bare the knee. What if, five years from now, this is what we Have To Do?
  • Both this and Nora the Piano Playing Cat were shown on the Daily Show last night.
  • So these guys clearly hit the sides, but would you say that they really worked the middle?
  • The inevitable MySpace page. WARNING: features less ottoman, black sock content, more synchronized humping, white carpet abuse.
  • Also: inexplicable air filters.
  • So. Did anyone actually watch to the end? And is there a diagnosis for that?
  • Oh, and fuck you, Capt. Renault. Fuck you right in the ottoman.
  • Monkeyfilter: Inexplicable air filters.
  • Monkeyfilter: a teeny tiny biy sexy
  • It is a pretty sexy ottoman. I'd tag it.
  • I can't begin to tell you how disturbed I am to find myself thinking "Damn, the video of two guys fucking an ottoman cannot be displayed. I've gotta remember to check this out tomorrow."
  • The foot fetish is a very common fetish with which I think most of us are familiar. To a lesser extant, there is also a documented fetish that is just as real that involves human waste. So I suppose none of us should be all too surprised to discover that a new fetish has arisen out of a combination of those two established fetishes: the footstool fetish.
  • I'm still on the fucked-to-death pile of burning ca-ca fetish.
  • pyronecropedophilia anyone?
  • Spit-take, bernockle. Just goes to indicate how low I've sunk for humor.
  • Oh that's good, RalphTheDog. Banner work. Good doggie!
  • not mine.
  • Please to note that I was nice to you. We now return to your regularly-scheduled rolled-up newspaper.
  • OK, that SO made my day. (Owen Nightstand? Yeah, I dated him in college)
  • So if I don't find this remotely amusing, there's something wrong with me, yes?
  • If you mean RTDs FHM cover, yes. If you mean the actual furniture-humping movie clip, no.
  • Well, I feel slightly better about the fact that Ralph didn't spend hours working on this when he was supposed to be productive at his job. Now, about the fact that he spends hours searching for this kind of crap when he's supposed to be working....
  • I'm self employed, and therefore don't HAVE to be productive. I AIN'T WORKIN FOR THE MAN NO MORE. I can surf all I---electric bill? Whaddya mean, electric bill?
  • I'd like a duck with an electric bill.
  • With all that dry humping, I'm wondering if there is a follow-up video of one of them playing the pivot role in a circle jerk. I'm not sure who is ultimately to blame for this... insufficient parenting, too much access to technology, BET and porn?
  • Um... Kids.
  • No Nick, not just kids. It's kids in FUNNY PANTS! Damn, I'll be so glad when the "plumber's ass crack" goes out of fashion.
  • Those young people need to get outside in the fresh air, working a hoe.
  • IChimp, would you settle for an electric tongue? (SOLD OUT and NSFW)
  • Doesn't anyone just have SEX anymore??? grumble grumblegetoffmylawnyouottomanhumpingkids grumble
  • I almost forgot: YOU SICK FUCKS!
  • I wanted to run an electric duck TUM, but I couldn't afford the bill. Hoo, eee, arf, erk
  • Da Winnah!
  • There's hope, BlueHorse. I haven't noticed a visible thong recently, and the plumber's ass thing is just a (short) hair's breadth below that on the nasty scale. I shudder to contemplate what will be next, however.
  • I have been flashing thong quite a bit lately. It's because I've lost weight and my pants don't fit well, and I keep forgetting the damn belt. Those of you who don't want to see thong are welcome to contribute to the Get Minda Pants That Fit fund.
  • *mails some rope*
  • *mails semi-sensible white cotton panties with rufflebutt*
  • *steals mail, snickers*
  • *hands minda25 pamphlet on the benefits of pantslessnessism*
  • MCT, you give those back! I was going to make a swing! petebest, I think there's some sort of law about having to war pants once you have a kid. Or if you want to go outside.
  • I've got MY war pants on! *throw Pete the stinkeye*
  • Oh my God! I just can't read this at work! I have tears running down my face from laughing so hard! Damn you people!
  • Now don't the plain white rufflebutts look cuter/hotter than a tacky thong? Notice they're all sold out. Those girls KNOW. Why, I bet even Pete would look good in a pair!
  • Sure they're cute, GramMa, but they make one HELL of a panty line!
  • But one doesn't have to use tongs to pick them out of the laundry hamper.
  • I have better hygiene than that. Panty pooper.
  • But one doesn't have to use tongs to pick them out of the laundry hamper. Or other places. I shudder to contemplate what will be next, however. Two words: Muffin top
  • But one doesn't have to use tongs to pick them out of the laundry hamper. Or other places. I shudder to contemplate what will be next, however. Two words: Muffin top
  • Thank god Wikipedia has an entry on "Muffin Top". I'd hate to think of that bandwidth being used for a less important entry, like one on Monkey Filter or something. Fuckers.
  • Eh. Having a wikipedia entry is like being listed in some "Who's Who" volume. This should tell you all you need to know about teh wikiz0rz.
  • Eh. Having a wikipedia entry is like being listed in some "Who's Who" volume. Egad! Whose who's who do these whos belong to? (That conversation about nothing went on for a long time before I realized I had better things to do; now I can accurately measure a wikipedian - another useful skill bought to me by the internet...)
  • I still don't know what happened there. Note: that's a good thing.
  • BASTARDS! So we rate below Muffin Top AND Ruffle Butt?
  • WE got DELETED??? Oh, fuck that. snick-SNIK
  • well, ruffle butt panties, I mean, sure, I could understand that, they're really quite fetching in a Marie Antoinette sort of way, right? I mean, whose hasn't gazed on such things and thought... well, you know what I mean.
  • *looks for scapegoat* *squints left eye at pete_best*
  • Dude, I was totally over at Dave's place playing Tiger Woods 2006 back then. There is no way I deleted that article intentionally. Also, it's not like we need Ubiquipedia to achieve some sort of faux validity as a virtual community of sockpuppets. I mean, we can pretend to do that ourselves. Also, seconding the grr to rufflebuttery.
  • Dude -- I didn't mean you, I meant pete_best. Idunno what it is about that guy, but he's a nogoodnik, that's for sure...
  • Oohhh. Sorry. Right. Agreed.
  • they all look alike to me.
  • Except the ones that wear pants. Do any of them wear pants?
  • MonkeyFilter: Do any of them wear pants?
  • *blink*
  • My muffintop's a trifle Compared to those in Buffalo They really are an eyeful (Just ask that guy, Mark Ruffalo.) I always wear my rufflebutts They tend to cause a scuffle-o, The gossips raise the scuttlebutt They just can't get enough, y'know. Oh, My ruffle-buffle-muffintop Started a kerfuffle-o It hung out at the muffler shop Just like a frilly bustle-o
  • Muffin toooooop You'll always beeee Ruffle-buuuuut To meeeeee Good ol' Muffintop Muffintop I see theeeee! *mandolin solo*
  • This calls for MASS MONKEY WIKI VANDALISM!!! All of us (what is it, 15 now?) should head over to the Wikipedia and edit articles to say that elephants are retarded or something. YOU KNOW IT'S THE ONLY WAY!!!
  • Can we say monkeys have written a Shakespeare play? I call for us to do our work here!
  • "Also, monkeys totally wrote a Shakespeare play."
  • Now, the scary thing to remember whenever I see something that is intended to impress the ladies (wearing pants hanging way off the ass, for example) is that somewhere, somehow this is actually works. Not in Delcambre, it don't.
  • So, I wonder if you can also get ticketed for a bra strap showing.
  • TUM, I think you should, if you haven't already, find an illustrator and start writing children's books a la Dennis Lee.
  • How's about it - any artistic Monkeys up for a collaboration?
  • I'd buy that book!
  • Catchy, Chimp!
  • Oh god, that Daily Show thing last night... *shudders*