April 04, 2007

• Zabasearch: The Stalker's Friend TM Frightening.
• And for the record, I've only used Zaba for Entertainment Purposes Only.
• Uhh, Capt., when I search via your link above I am directed to one of the sites I linked in my post. The funny thing, when I do a test search on myself, it pulls an address that I lived at seven years ago and says that I am 17 years older than I *really* am. Doesn't seem to bode well for the Zaba... *sigh*
• If you have any money at all, hire a PI to do it for you. All they will really do is run the information through some site you might be able to go to yourself, but they will also have access to some other information. Most importantly, they will know where to look. If you can afford it, it really is the easiest option.
• Uhh, then idunno. Sorry, smt. Good luck with your search.
• smt, It depends on what details you _do_ have and how far back you need to look. I find people as part of my work, sometimes with little to go on. I'll gladly give you free advice but I'd rather do it by email or phone (my email is in my profile). I did something similar for minda25 if you want a monkey-reference. see http://monkeyfilter.com/link.php/7503 ml
• Who was that masked lurker?
• I'm thinking if you have a social, there is some information that can be had for the asking from military records--assuming one parent was in the military. Anyone else familiar with this?
• Funny, I happened to read through that thread to see if I could gleam any info before posting this. I was confused by the references to the masked lurker. Were comments removed from the thread? I will send you an email, oh mysterious ML! I do appreciate your offer very much. As of now, I am going on rather limited info: full name (maiden), DOB, and the knowledge of two states in which she lived (30+ years ago). I should be getting more information in the near future - - as I haven't received all of the records from the various agencies as-of-yet.
• Good luck with your search. Using yer keyboard macros again, Capt?
• Good luck sugarmilktea - I hope you find the answers you are looking for. not helpful, sorry
• More good luck wishes.
• Best wishes, sugarmilktea, in your searches, no matter what method you use. BTW I just did a Zaba search on myself and learned that I do not exist. I am SO relieved. *tears off clothing, runs invisibly into busy town square*
• Well, masked lurker was able to dig up some info that is either a bizarre coincidence or not good news. A woman who has the same first name, middle initial, maiden name, and date of birth as my birth mother passed away just two months ago. Needless to say, I was not expecting that (kinda felt like I got hit with a bag of bricks). If it turns out, in-fact, to be her - - I'm sure I will be grappling with that for some time. I am waiting on additional information from the agency that handled my adoption to see if any further identifying information is available (SSN would be ideal). If not, I may attempt to contact the surviving husband of this woman to see if I am able to get confirmation. And if it turns out to be a coincidence, then my search will continue (and I will be somewhat relieved). You never know what life is going to hit you with... Thank you, masked lurker.
• Best wishes either way SMT
• Thoughts are with you, smt
• *prays it was a coincidence*
• Same here, smt. Hope you get good news.
• Well, smt, I've never believed in providence as such, but I'm a firm believer in luck and karma. If it was her, maybe it's for the best it worked out that way, even if that's hard to see right now. And if it wasn't her, then none of what I just said applies. Anyway, a buncha monkeys are standing behind you, and wish you all the best in this.
• Thanks, everyone! It's comforting to know there's a buncha monkeys standing behind me. Just don't get too close, I'm ticklish! And I agree with you 100%, Capt. I've always been a firm believer of "everything happens for a reason." If it turns out to be her, then exactly what you said. It may not be easy to see the reasons why now, but in the long run... I should know one way or the other within the next week or two. I will be sure to let you know what I find out.
• MonkeyFilter: It's comforting to know there's a buncha monkeys standing behind me. You monkeys line up neatly now, and quit shoving.
• I will be sure to let you know what I find out. Please do, smt! Followups are much appreciated. I hope that even if your female gamete donor has passed away, you'll be able to find some stories and such from her relatives and friends. Good luck.
• Not sure that this article is entirely relevant, smt, but it may be of interest. All the best to you, anyway.
• I received a packet of documents in the mail today. It would appear that the deceased individual that masked lurker found is not my birth mother after all. I suppose obituaries are not *always* 100% accurate, but the birth city listed on the obit is different than the birth city of my birth mother shown on several documents supplied to me. In other words, I am somewhat relived... There is still a high probability that I can one day make some form of contact with my birth mother. Based on the information I received today, I was able to confirm that my birth father is still alive, and he has not moved in the 30 + years since I was born. In fact, his phone number listed on a document from 1972 is the same as today. Same goes for the parents of my birth mother - they are both still alive and living at the same address. My birth mother married the year following my birth - - so, she remains the unknown in this puzzle I am trying to piece together. My next step??? I can only guess now. But I am pleasantly relived - knowing for the first time in my life - a sense of where I came from.
• Good to hear smt.
• Yay! Thanks for the update.
• Yay! Good luck smt!
• And I might add, my eyes hurt from straining to read all of the cursive text photocopied from the old microfiche! *pulls out magnifying glass* And where might I have come from? As Mrs. SMT casually put it last night, "hi farmer boy!" Yes, my birth father is a farmer (recently retired according to a newspaper article from January that I pulled up). From the google satellite image, I can make out silos and the general farm complex... Toto, I'm a loooong way from home! Thanks, everyone. It's really an emotional rollercoaster. I'll keep 'yall updated with new developments.
• From the google satellite image, I can make out silos and the general farm complex... That is incredibly cool. Best of luck on your research!
• Farming stock, the best. Well, unless he'd been a Khampa nomad :D
• You have a farm complex? How does your therapist treat it? Farming stock, eh? Please tell me you're a Doukhobor...
• Capt., I might add that I also found out that my birth mother is French Canadian. Aaaah, I have it in me after all...
• Well y'can't win 'em all, eh smt? Oh! Right, no - no, that's a good thing, sure. French-Canadian is . . they have . . oh! What don't they have! Such delicious . . very . . they . . Oh the things they have there! Yessir, that's a dynamic . ah . . a very . . ah . . My my! ;)
• *adjusts sights on poutine catapult, ratchets back*
• Poutine? Whas' poutine? *googles* Fries? Curds? Hot gravy?? Hot damn!! *stands in front of catapult* For some reason, I always assumed it was something akin to haggis from the sounds of it...
• I live near a Canadian town of strong Scottish heritage, which means there's available that rare treat of enjoying your haggis with a side of poutine! Yum!
• It looks like someone puked on your fries, but if you like that sort of thing, well then come on up.
• Poutine or haggis - hard to say which is the more appealing!
• That is not a picture of really good poutine, fish tick. There's a chip truck here that makes awesome stuff. Way to go smt. It must be so rewarding having your history come together for you.
• Sacre bleu, madame! That is genuine Cue-bek pooteen. I have had to suffer through seeing it consumed in that province on more occasions than I can count, and will indubitably face it again in the near future, bien sur.
• Mais, c'est tres bien. mmmm
• I have successfully pieced together most of the missing pieces. I now know my birth mother's married name, as well as her current location (address and phone number). She has two sons. I'm still trying to comprehend the fact that I have five half-siblings. I've decided to write to both of my birth parents (I've always been much better at written communication). I'm going to take my time and think everything through very carefully before sending anything off. I'm not placing any expectations on the process. If I get a positive response, then that will be great. And if it leads nowhere, I will be fairly content with what I have learned about my background so far. Having always been a genealogy buff, it's taken on a new life for me. For the first time, I *feel* a connection with the history I'm piecing together. For my birth mother's side of the family, I've already been able to trace back to the early 1600's. Fascinating! Many thanks to all of the Monkeys who helped me with my search. I will be sure to post any updates.
• smt, so glad to hear the update.
• Great news!
• This is a fascinating thread.
• Fantastic news.
• What are the main tools you use for genealogicamal study, smt? I bet a few of us might be interested (a new FPP?)
• pete - I'm fairly modest and would beg to call myself an amateur when it comes to genealogy. RootsWeb has some excellent online tools and searchable databases. I have found a lot of my family's information there (sometimes quite surprising - the level of detail and accuracy). Aside from that, I based a lot of my search on information I mined through my family. As no one else seemed interested, I took it upon myself to seek out as much information as I could from various family members. My grandmother passed away last Saturday at the ripe age of 102; had I not checked with her many years ago, I'm certain that a lot of historical family information would have gone with her. On a software note - I recently began using Reunion to organize and manage all of my information. Yeah, yeah - go get a Mac! I've been having a grand time entering as much info as I can (including pictures, sound bites, video, etc.). If you egg me on, I may be enticed to muster a FPP out of the noggin.
• I'm going to send off a six page hand-written letter to my birth mother tomorrow. I wrote it all out earlier this month, and it's been sitting here, simmering away. I'm a bit nervous. Although I don't place any expectations upon myself or her, it's still something that touches some strange emotional spots within myself. She should receive the letter on Monday, which will happen to coincide with my 35th birthday. Anything can happen, and maybe nothing will... I have also included several pages of pictures that depict me through the years. Wish me luck
• Hey, smt - good luck with that. Make sure you make a copy of it just in case - things get lost in the mail all the time. Might want to send it by courier so you know when it arrives. Some people don't like their parents very much - hope your birth mom turns out to be a fine person.
• Good luck. And have a happy birthday.
• Good luck and good thoughts to you smt!
• Good for you, smt! I hope it turns out well. And even if it doesn't, well, that answers a lot of questions too.
• Good luck! And what a good feeling it must be to have finally taken the step, no matter what does or doesn't come of it. Good for you!
• More good thoughts from this direction. And happy birthday!
• Good thoughts coming from this way. And as TUM said, just to have taken the step is courageous, no matter how it turns out.
• It's off. That was one *heavy* envelope! I stood in front of the mail drop for a good minute. Pausing to reflect? Hesitating? Fear of the unknown? Relief? Aaaayyy, all of the above! I felt good afterwards. And now, my part is done... Well, that's half-true. I'm have yet to draft my letter to my birth father.
• *fingers crossed for SMT
• Congratulations, smt. What a huge thing to do.
• My heart is beating heavy - just now as I was busy working away, an email confirm popped up to inform me that my letter was just delivered... It was 35 years ago today that I was born. And now, it would seem, that my birth mother has been given her first contact with me since that day. I can only imagine what must be going through her mind... She will have an image of me throughout the previous years, and a sense of *who* I am (assuming she reads the letter and looks at the pictures). *gulp* Birthday's were never easy for me. Taking this on, and having written that letter is a massive weight removed from my inner self. Last night my father surprised me with some clippings he has been saving for over twenty years (to clarify, my adoptive father). They were short letters/poems sent to Dear Abby and to Ann Landers; one from the perspective of a birth mother reflecting on the unknown each year as she pondered her child, and the other from the perspective of a child wondering about birth parents each birthday. I was surprised at how much they moved me, and that my father had been waiting all these years for the right time to share them with me.
• Happy birthday, smt. And good luck with your root-discovery journey.
• That's an awesome gift from your dad, SMT. And Happy Birthday!
• SMT: that made me tear up. I do hope your birth mother opens a dialogue with you, and that it works out happiy.
• Update: I have received a letter from my birth mother! I walked down to pick up the mail last night and was greatly surprised to see a small envelope with her return address. It seemed so light, as if there was nothing inside. On the contrary, there was a one-page note that carried the weight of a million words... I will share an excerpt: I was stunned to my very core. The emotions are overwhelming but, I feel like God has just handed me the gift of "you" a second time... I am here for you, as well, anytime. I fell asleep last night with a peace I've never experienced before in my life. Life suddenly feels different. I will continue to post any updates. Based on what she said, I assume that her family does not know of my birth, and that she is going to "break the news" in a careful manner.
• Goddamn. That's awesome, smt. My most heartfelt and teary congratulations to you. Wow. I just can't imagine.
• That totally made me tear up. Congrats, smt.
• Great news smt! That's fantastic.
• I'm feeling a bit facially moist myself. What a wonderful outcome!
• More tearing up over here too. That's just fantastic smt. Wishing all happiness. And thank you for sharing this with us.
• Add me to the tearing up at work list. I'm so happy for you, smt!
• All the best, smt, that's a fantastic outcome. However, do not forget that you now have many years' worth of undelivered birthday and Christmas presents to claim. Should you require legal advice on this matter I strongly urge you to contact the firm Bernockle Renault Quidnunc for high-quality advocacy at a low, low price.
• Thanks all, for the kind words. Didn't realize I would be creating a tissue fest! Though I must admit that I shed some myself last night (though somewhat strangely delayed by 24-hours - perhaps I needed some time for it to sink in?). Suddenly, I am able to contemplate meeting my birth mother. Something that was pure fantasy in the past... Another difficult side to this has been my sister, who was also adopted. She has been going through a search for her biological parents as well, but with very limited luck. Her adoption was basically arranged "backdoor" without an agency. Digging up any info has been near impossible for her. She was so happy to hear my news (and I think she shed the most tears of any), yet at the same time I know she wished it was herself that had such a positive outcome... I appreciate the offer, quid. In the future I shall be certain to retain the services of the highly-esteemed BRQ.
• smt, I'm thrilled to hear that your mother responded. What an amazing moment for both of you.
• Oh wow, only just read smt's update. What wonderful news. I manfully restricted my response to a slight quiver of the bottom lip, naturally.
• Way to go, SMT.
• Woohoo! That's just fantastic, SMT. I'm so glad for you. (No verklemptness for me right now, oddly, but that's just the pregnancy hormones ebbing... I'll probably burst into tears for you later when I'm watching a Friends rerun or something.) But yay! And I wanna know what you get for all those Christmases.
• Um, OK, scratch that, here they come. ;)
• ***
• I totally missed this when it was posted, so Congratulations, MCT! I'm glad it had a happy ending! Sometimes the leap of faith works out. It what keeps us tempted the rest of the time. We can discuss the formalities of the retainer at a later date.
• And I totally didn't write MCT instead of SMT. That's just your eyes playing tricks on you. All that crying, you see.
• Quite the crafty fellow you are, Capt! Yes, this story has, so far, had a happy ending. My birth mother and I are in frequent contact now. She sends me a daily email (she's completely computer illiterate, but she has some email gadget that allows for text messages). It's been a lovely exchange; I received a photo of her in the mail the other day, and she's been pouring her heart out. She's sending me a larger packet with a full range of family photos, medical history, etc. Even her mother has been sending me well-wishes... it's so strange to feel that I suddenly have all this extra family! We've found that we have a lot of similarities, including music. She really made my inner-child tear up when she told me that she has always loved me, that I was conceived in love, and that she was grateful to finally be able to tell it to me directly... The next step is to write to my birth father. If it goes as well with him as it has with my birth mother - - I'll be truly speechless.
• Well, that's even better then. Well done! Psst -- sentcha an email.
• Wow! Thanks, Capt, for bringing this thread up- I've been wondering if smt got any response - yay!! Congrats on becoming a son again, smt! *hankiehonk*
• Yes, thank you capt., I missed this when it happened. What an incredible story. I'm so glad things turned out the way they did, SMT!
• SMT, that is one of the most beautiful treads I have ever read.
• Just a little update: I have a "new" grandma! My birth mother said that her mother kept asking for my address - so she asked for my permission to give it to her - to which I agreed. I got the sweetest letter in the mail! I couldn't stop smiling, *and* thinking how this was something I had never imagined would happen. She signed the letter, "Love, Grandma! You can never have too many grandmas!" And now I've learned that many other family members are "in line" to write me. My birth mother said that she's been telling them to hold off for a while, that all will come with time. I suddenly feel like I have all this extra family that I never expected. Amazing, really... I still haven't sent the letter to my birth father. It's ready to go... any day now.
• Yay!
• "Love, Grandma! You can never have too many grandmas!" Having recently lost my last Grandma, I totally agree. What an amazing, and happy, turn of events!
• Agreed, TUM. I recently lost my Grandma too... and I haven't quite gotten over not being able to see her before it happened, or attend the funeral, yet. This little development is an unexpected, and very heart-warming one.
• Hurray for Grandmas! Pass round that cookie tin again, SMT.
• More yay!
• Lovely evolving story, SMT!
• Yeah!! SMT! I'm so happy for you. TUM, I'm sorry about your Grandma. I'd give you a patented GramMa BlueHorse hug if I could.
• Congratulations, and all that. Let us know when you say 'Aw muuuuum!' in a really exasperated tone for the first time, like when she starts nagging at you to tidy your room or something. It's only a matter of time.
• That's so awesome! It seems like your found family is a really great one.
• Time flies... I still haven't sent the letter to my birth father. It's now sitting with me at the office, and I'm determined to get mailed off in the post this week. Part of me has continued to hesitate due to the overwhelming response that I have had from my birth mother's family... they all can't wait to meet me, and write to me continually. It's gotten to the point that it's hard to keep up with everyone - though, I have been enjoying it. What will happen if I open this next door? Time flies... The longer that I procrastinate, the greater the chances that I will lose the opportunity. Hell. It's either going to be one heck of a Christmas present, or the family holiday will be tarnished forever...
• Having a tarnished holiday myself, it's not that bad -- at least the liquor flows more freely during it all. So go for it, already.
• Seconded. What's the worst that can happen...?
• I can't believe I missed this entirely last year!! I am now bawling like a baby over it. My husband is adopted and has not begun to search. He has questions but is so afraid. He didn't get adopted until he and his sister were 6 & 5 and they really went through the "system" - in a very bad way. My heart aches for him (which is why I am crying tears of joy for you, smt). I love hearing that you had such a positive experience with this. Take that step forward and send that letter. It will be what it is supposed to be.
• Thanks, everyone. I'm going to send it off... I just need to print off my "photo packet" (a 10-pager I put together showing me from birth to present). Rightly said, what do I have to lose?? Nothing but a little sleep for a couple nights I suppose...
• Oh sugarmilktea big hugs hon. You have nothing to lose really. You are just putting the ball in their court. If they want to play it's a bonus - if not you lose nothing. I'm so pleased for you that it's turned out so lovely so far. Also I just re-read the entire thread and got all teary all over again... must go roll in baby smell now....
• *hugs sugarmilktea* That is all.
• It truly is an inspiring story, this thread.
• This will be one of the best plotlines in MonkeyFilter: The Movie!.
• More *hugs* from me too, smt.
• Everyone here *is* the best. If I could give all of you a hug, I would. It means a lot... You are just putting the ball in their court. Gomi, just wow. This is such a simple statement, but it is so very true, and just took away a good chunk of my anxiety. Why should I be worrying whether my contact will be disruptive? After all, I did not will myself to be born... The post is closed today, but tomorrow I will drop my packet off... this farmer's boy is about to come home! I will post any updates. Thanksgiving? Ahh, my simian family is right here at home! *hugs the Filter*
• *gives a hug back* he will be proud to discover he has such a fine son.
• I'm crossing my fingers and toes for you. And I second eeq. Your birth father should be proud.
• So, any news? Updates? Hoping the best for you, smt!!!