June 26, 2005

Curious George: Lost! (Not the show.) Today I lost my wallet. Once I worked through some of the rage, I realized: the very concept of a wallet is simply idiotic. Surely, there must be a better way?

As a battle-hardened Unix/Linux systems administrator, I am horrified by the idea of carrying around something which is so easily subject to catastrophic failure. One would be hard-pressed to dream up a system as inherently stupid as the wallet. To say "it fails often, and badly" would be an understatement. Wallet chains are ugly and outdated; a clumsy workaround if I've ever seen one. Hand chips are unlikely to be massly available any time soon, and there's that whole mark-of-the-beast thing. So come on, my little monkey hackers: hack me up a better wallet system!

  • ...carrying around something which is so easily subject to catastrophic failure. Where do you get that from? I can't see a reason to describe a wallet this way. How is it so easily subject to catastrophic failure? How does it fail often? Are you looking for a keyring replacement too? It is pretty isomorphic to a wallet.
  • if you are hardcore, get an rfid implant and/or barcode tatt +extra security +convenience
  • Mr. Knickerbocker, I meant "catastrophic failure" in the systems sense. Wallet-the-object is physically stable. However, wallet-the-system (and its cohort, purse-the-system) is subject to frequent failure in the form of loss and theft. "Frequent" in this context I define as "ever," considering the importance of its contents. (How often can one afford to lose one's wallet?) Keys fail in the same way that wallets do. However, they do not fail as badly as wallets because: 1. They do not contain cash. 2. They cannot be used against you, financially speaking (I have cancelled my bank card, and can only hope that someone will not use my driver's license to steal my identity, although I'm afraid the joke would be on them...). In fact, unless your address is printed on the key itself, it cannot be used by a stranger at all. 3. Keys can be backed up. I have a copy of my car key at home. Our office manager has a copy of my office key. Losing my keys would be a minor inconvenience at worst. Keys are as subject to loss and theft as wallets. However, it's not as big a deal when the key system fails. Go through a mental tally of everything in your wallet. Important stuff, no? And yet, you keep it all in one place, and carry it around with you every day, through all kinds of weather and what systems administrators call "the human factor." (In my case, it appears to have fallen out of my pocket during a hike.) Arguably this would not have happened if I had been carrying a purse, but I am simply not a "purse" kind of girl. Wedge, I would totally get one if they were available and readily compatible with today's systems!
  • I say affect a wooden leg and carry a cutlass. Then everybody around you is your wallet upon request. Seriously though...anything more than a couple hundred bucks goes in my bra. And when I have a gig and am wearing the mighty "50 dollar tit job bra" with the hooter helpers, I've got an extra house key stashed in the left "enhancement pocket" in a little plastic envelope. But that's just me...you gents will have to go out to Ye Olde Codpiece Shoppe and stock that shit up.
  • cash always goes into my pocket, nothing of value in my wallet. All the info on my drivers license is pretty much public knowledge and available. My credit cards have a $50 liability, my debit card can't be used without the pin.. actually, to me, no big deal.. and...in all these years I've NEVER lost a wallet... perhaps, just suggesting, it wasn't the OS that failed, but it was an operator error? Call tech support! :)
  • never had the problem that you describe since i began to place the wallet in a front pocket.
  • I understand you were talking about wallet-the-system, this is the reason for asking my questions. The system is very stable. Except for gunpoint robbery, wallet-the-system never fails. Every other "failure" is not system failure, but user error. This is like describing password-the-system as easily subject to catastrophic failure, since a user could tell another person their password. Key rings give greater access to you and your valuables. You try to play off some of this of with saying keys are useless without an address. It's fair turnabout to say an address is useless without a key. Matter of fact, wallets are even more stable because they contain your address. In case of operator error, this allows for the return of your wallet. How are your keys going to return without an address? A loss of my wallet would be less catastrophic than a loss of my key ring (I hope I didn't just jinx myself). Everything in my wallet can be replaced without me having to have the wallet there to do so. Some of my keys aren't replaceable (like my bike lock key). Some aren't replacable without a $100 fee. And all the backups still require a key to access, since I don't leave them sitting outside my apartment building. "Frequent" in this context I define as "ever," You've redefined the word to mean almost exactly opposite of it's original definition. Come on.
  • Make sure your photo is on your credit card. It is hard to believe that is not a requirement. (And couldn't they all require PINs, too?) Then file it under "things that you don't need to worry about." I had my wallet taken at gunpoint a few years ago. That is the only time I have lost mine. Everything wound up okay. I think that it is a good idea to take precautions for things like this that do not require a lot of time or worry (not carrying a lot of cash, making sure there is a photo on your credit card, etc.). But I feel strongly that one of the keys to enjoying life (and I am being serious) is to not worry about things that are extremely unlikely to happen. Sorry about the wallet, though. It does suck.
  • a condom...some lube...and the recepticle you were born with. People will think twice before asking for your i.d., and it will be much harder to pick your pocket.
  • I've been trying to hack myself up a much better system. Not because of safety or security, but just because I like to carry a lot of extra crap on me. I seriously wish that utility belts or Chewbacca-style bandoliers were in fashion, or else that cargo pants were considered dressy, for that very reason. Anyway, FWIW, the best I've come up with is a system that forces me to carry as little as possible in my wallet. I picked up a pocket-sized Moleskine notebook, which has a little accordion pocket inside the back cover. You can't really carry much in it, but for me, it's just enough room for my ID and debit card and all that stuff. Plus I've got a built-in notebook for taking notes, getting phone numbers, etc. I even stuck some index cards inside the front cover for reminders and to-do lists. Cash I carry separately, in another pocket. Those notebooks are durable as hell, and if you don't have it in your pocket, you know it. Plus it's camouflage -- doesn't look like a wallet to a would-be thief, and you've got cash handy to fork over.
  • Instead of signing your credit card, write "CHECK ID".
  • Utility belts and Chewbacca-style bandoliers are not in fashion because no one who is cutting-edge cool has started wearing them. You can change that.
  • A friend of mine had her car stolen after the thief found a set of keys in the library, then went outside and pushed the remote's unlock button until a car responded. Got in car, drove away.
  • Wallet on a string. Okay, maybe it's purselike, but I didn't loose my wallet for years. It went crossways across my chest, and never came off my body except at home. Safest thing next to a money belt. I recently upgraded to a small bag that I wear crossways across my chest, mostly because I wanted to be able to carry an agenda and notebook and pens and stuff with me.
  • Roos always seemed like a pretty sweet shoe/pocket combo to me.
  • I like "Instead of signing your credit card, write "CHECK ID"." posted by Mr. Knickerbocker! Have you actually done this? Ever had someone refuse to honor the card as a result? This sounds like a GREAT idea if it works without glitches, I would hate to REALLY need to make a purchase and end up with some anal clerk that wouldn't let me!
  • I've had "ask for ID" on the back of my VISA for about 3 years now. At first, almost no one asked for ID, maybe 1 in 20. Since then, there's been a steady increase in the number of ID requests, until now, where it's nearly 9 of 10 times. Even for small charges like a movie ticket! At some point, some jokester put a middle line on the "I" part, and now most waiters laugh at me because they say "who's 'Ed'"? :) Another waitress told me that she was instructed to match the signature to whatever was in the signature panel; so tecnically, I'd need to sign "ask for ID" to pay my check ;)
  • Try my patented Distrubuted Personal Affects Carrying System (DPACS). Step 1: take all the stuff out of your wallet. Step 2: put it all, loose, in your pocket. Now you'll find that you lose money all the time, and credit cards sometimes, but you never lose everything all at once. No need to thank me.
  • If you're worried about losing everthing at once, I just wouldn't carry everything at once. Take enough cash for the day, one credit or debit card, and ID. On days when you need something else, carry it, but otherwise leave it in a safe place at home. When my dad was in sales in New Orleans in the 70s (where a lot of pick pocketing went on) and had to carry a great deal of cash, he carried a dummy wallet filled with newspaper and old business cards in his back pocket. His money went in his shoe.
  • HuronBob: Yeah, that's what mine says. Block letters with a sharpie, so it's pretty obvious. Almost always works. The only cash in my wallet is an emergency $20, for cab fare some other unforeseen scene.
  • Mr. Knickerbocker, I realize you're just being contrarian, but you have obviously taken a lot of time to think about my original question, and I appreciate that. Also, I need something to do while drinking my coffee this morning. The "wallet versus keys" debate is a non-starter. Presumably, a more robust wallet system would also be applicable to keys. I personally am not as worried about losing my keys as I am about losing my wallet. But if you are more worried about losing your keys - if the contents of your key ring are more expensive (in time as well as money terms) and difficult to replace than the contents of your wallet, then there you have it. And after I mulled over your original question, I realized that yes, I actually WOULD like a better keys system, too. Naturally, the failure of wallet system is due to user error. However, any system which allows the user to wipe out their personal and financial data, as well as access to their bank accounts, and emotionally important scraps of memorabilia, is a system which fails badly. Frequency can be measured vertically across the span of one girl's lifespan (meaning me, and it's happened twice in 32 years, albeit once when I was only 8), or horizontally across the entire population. How many wallets go missing across the world every day? Anecdotal evidence is that wallets go away fairly often, single user cases not withstanding. Perhaps, to be more clear, I should have said "too often." In the case of theft, people are mugged and pickpocketed often enough that there is a healthy market for traveler's checks and seekrit concealed travelers wallets. In the case of loss, a wallet is a relatively small object (compared to, say, a car) which can easily be left behind at the point of payment, or fall out of a pocket without being noticed. It happens often enough that the USPS has a standing offer that if you find a wallet, and drop it in a mailbox, they will send it back to its owner. User error is simply the way of the world. Every user makes errors, even the smart ones. To say otherwise is both uncharitable and dangerous, in a karmic sense. A well-designed system gives you tools and failsafes to limit the scope and/or consequences of such errors. To use the extreme to illustrate my point in a colorful fashion: Picture a switch that looks just like a light switch, except that it launches nuclear weapons at every major city in the world. Picture it installed on the wall right next to a light switch. This is a badly-designed system. It gives the user too much destructive capability (nuclear death), in a setting where it is liable to be triggered (it's mounted next to the other light switch, rather than on, say, the ceiling where you'd have to use a ladder to reach it), without any kind of failsafe. The best nuclear lightswitch alternative is the military one, with tons of redundancy and failsafes. But a much better alternative would be to put a ten-second delay on the nuclear lightswitch, and a big red "UNDO" button.
  • Something else I probably should have been clear about is that yes, I lose things all the time. I was definitely one of those kids with the mitten strings, and yet I still managed to go through at least four pairs of mittens a season. (In my defense, I grew up in Alaska, so the season was very long, with ample time to lose mittens!) I am picturing a system which combines the best of all the good suggestions here. A distributed wallet with ID and such in the bandolier, and cash in my bra. Wouldn't the guys at Frys get a kick out of THAT?!
  • I've always hated using a wallet. Horriifed at co-workers and friends' stories on how they misplaced half their lives in a single swoop. I cringe watching people on a mall or the street, with a bulging wallet half out of their back pockets, or when paying at a counter, how they open them and anyone can see their credit card collection, all kinds of IDs, family photos, keys and such. And then they leave it at the counter, the bathroom stall, a restaurant table. So I try to carry as little as needed, in a non-centralizedd way. A small leather card pocket for credit/debits, and IDs/license in a another closed, zippered or front pocket in my pants or jacket. Cash: loose on another pocket, and as little as possible. Keys in the back. Times when I have had to carry a wallet with everything from cash to IDs in it, I keep it in zippered inside pockets. When on a trip or when having to carry some significant cash amount, a flat wallet with a striploop for the belt houses cash and passport.
  • You know what else is a bad system? The human body. It is vulnerable to bullets, large falling objects, pointy sticks and a million other things. And it's very hard to back up.
  • mechagrue, I dig the nuclear light switch anlogy. But I do think that in those situations you always have to remove accessibility in order to user-proof. And you don't really want to remove accessibility from a frequently used system, like the wallet. I do have a hack for your specific instance. Whenever I go hiking, even if it's just a short 2-3 hour hike, I bring a backpack. It carries water and a snack. I also empty my pockets into it, especially my keys, wallet, and cellphone. Leaving that stuff in the car isn't safe, since most hiking trails around here have high theft parking. The zippered pockets also help secure against anything falling out. (This is removing accessibility, but it's at a time you'll definitely want be needing it.) I do sympathize and hope you find your wallet. I think I'm kinda neurotic when in comes to mine. I can't close a front door or a car door without patting down all my pockets for the right size lumps.
  • Flagpole: Keys in your back pocket? How do you sit down?
  • Damn your infernal multipurpose boobs, moneyjane!! =D
  • techsmith's post reminded me of a 'credit card prank', which I am sure plenty of people are familiar with but seems relevant... How crazy would I have to make my signature before someone would actually notice? and part two - How far could I go before they would check my credit card signature? Reading these seems to go directly in the face of what techsmith says, but this is from a comedy site.
  • Frequency can be measured vertically across the span of one girl's lifespan (meaning me, and it's happened twice in 32 years, albeit once when I was only 8), or horizontally across the entire population. How many wallets go missing across the world every day? Anecdotal evidence is that wallets go away fairly often, single user cases not withstanding. Perhaps, to be more clear, I should have said "too often." Linux users. See, the issue I always have is, why are banknotes the shape they are? You put them in your pocket, you fold them in half. You want to store a lot of them, you fold them in half, you wrap a rubber band around them. You put them in your wallet, you just know you're gonna fold them in half. They spend probably 99% of their lives folded in half. Why not make them half their size? The only time you unfold them is when you hand them to someone else, after which, they fold them in half. See, if they were half the size, they'd cost half as much to make. It makes sense.
  • BBF: Folding them secures them. It keeps them together. Ten flat squares stacked on eachother in my pocket would come apart from eachother. This might not be their reason, but it's mine.
  • I like being able to leave the house unencumbered (as much as one can be with a toddler) and so I've found that a handbag or purse is not for me. I usually wear jeans so I just carry my driver's license, eftpos (debit) card, a small amount of cash and keys in my jeans pocket. When I've used a wallet it's too bulky, my kid gets into it and rips everything out, and I have to carry it in my hand rather than in my pocket. Historically I've lost more cards by using a wallet than I have by just putting what I need in my pockets. #2 is the same but puts his basic necessities into a money clip which takes up next to no space. He tends to lose it in the car if it's in his front pocket because it slips out and under the seat, but otherwise it's lasted him about four years so far and he hasn't lost a single card. The downside is that there are days when I have pants on with no pockets. I went to the supermarket last week and took just my keys and eftpos card, but with no pockets I made the grievous error of giving my card to my son to look after (he's a capitalist in the making and knows that card=money and can't be lost). But he dropped it somewhere between the supermarket and the car, and by the time the mall office called me with it, I'd already cancelled it and now I'm cardless for a week.
  • Ye Olde Codpiece Shoppe Thunderwear.
  • BBF: Folding them secures them. It keeps them together. Ten flat squares stacked on eachother in my pocket would come apart from eachother. See, I only dream of that wealth and therefore that really is not a serious problem. currently overdrawn and the bank has decided that my interest free overdrast is apparently not an overdraft at all and my supervisors at my last job have decided that in between their busy schedule of reading the Sunday Sport and sleeping, they didn't have time to fax off my timesheet, and so the employment agency don't have any idea when I worked, so they decided to work round this little problem by - no, not phoning me, but - not paying me, so, no, I have no money. At all. I found a pound on my floor this morning, and I was happier than if I would have been had that pound been Sarah Chalke, around the start of series three of Scrubs, and had then given me a blowjob. To be fair, the Sunday Sport is very entertaining. Man pulls off own head? Genius.
  • I also have this thing about starting sentences with the word "see". I think it makes me sound chatty.
  • Flagpole: Keys in your back pocket? How do you sit down? I carry just three, sometimes 4 keys. With a flat, bare metal ring; no bulky, big keyrings for me. Another small key goes in the pocket watch of jeans or pants, and that's it. That I don't have much in the way of an ample behind helps, too. Btw: I always carry pocket change coins in either jeans' said watch pocket or a small leather bag fastened to belt. Saves on jingling coins all over the pants' pockets.
  • drjimmy11, the shortcomings you mention are woefully obvious to myself and my geek brethren. We're working on it. BBF, funny you should mention that. See, a few weeks ago I bought some kind of Chinese wartime bank note which is very tiny - about 1 inch tall and 3 inches long. I can't decide if its size is admirably efficient, or ridiculously small. It's kind of both, which makes it a compelling desk accessory. Mr. Knickerbocker, I will definitely bring my backpack next time!
  • "..yes, I lose things all the time." So, really, we're not talking about a system failure in the wallet per se, but a systemic failure in the owner's methodology. You have to change your approach. When you come home or leave home, you have to be aware of what you're doing. Takes practice, but that's just the way it is. Now, as I get older, I get more vague with such things. When I was a kid, I never lost anything basically because I never let go of anything. These days as my Aspie brain becomes more weird day by day, I have been known to lose things. The way I counter this is by always using a system. I always place my wallet and keys in the same places on coming home, a particular bench, or a particular table, *never* anywhere else. Let's say I always place my wallet in the livingroom on top of a table, or near my work table. This way if I lose it, I know there are finite places to look. Same with keys. As for carrying a wallet, I switched from back trouser pocket to right-front pocket some years ago and that works much better. I've never been pickpocketed, even when I lived in London and used the Tube daily. And there is always the money belt, which no doubt someone has already mentioned.
  • Flagpole: I heard a comedian (can't remember who... sorry) say that the number of keys you carry is directly inverse to how powerful you are: the fewer keys you carry, the more important you are. For his example, he used a janitor (who has keys to everything) and the President (who has no keys). I always liked that idea, and like to keep my keys streamlined as a result.
  • an acronym to help remember your chattel: MILK (Money, ID, Lipstick or Lighter{&cigs}, and Keys). i hate feeling like i'm 'forgetting something'.
  • Discourse on Wallet Theory: (or, Too Much Time on My Hands) The ideal wallet would achieve maximum security (e.g. redundant, non-transferrable, and hard to err while using), minimum form (mostly a factor of how large, apparent, and cumbersom it is) and maximum utility. Thinking of a wallet from a system administrator perspective overlooks the latter two aspects, in which the traditional wallet scores quite well. Assuming no fancy new technology, if we're going to increase security we're probably going to have to increase form (e.g. add a chain) or decrease utility (don't take all your cash with you). Generally not being naive can reduce your risks considerably, but the wallet-as-system has, I would say, proven itself a good compromise of security, form, and, utility. Losing your wallet may be a hassle, but I would doubt many people have seriously had their lives altered or destroyed by such an instance. And if they did, well obviously the system allowed it, but what sacrifices would you (and everyone else) have to make for that NOT to be a danger?
  • I've always had been told by acquaintances that my key phobia was nothing else but immaturity, fear of responsibility (as you grow older, you keep getting more and more keys and have to care for the things behind those locks...) Erm, they might had a point, but I like your theory best, meredithea! That's also one useful tip: always get acquainted and in good terms with the janitor/watchman at your building/workplace, the one with all the keys. One day, he might well save you ass or your job. Re: pickpockets, the only one time I was frisked (quite openly, by the way; more of an assault than unnoticed robbery), I happened to have the money in a front pocket in my denim jacket. Thug searched back pockets of pants, front pockets, got nervous and proceeded to next victim. I had just cashed a paychek. Nice bundle of low-denomination bills, bulging on the pocket. Got lucky that day.
  • "I heard a comedian (can't remember who... sorry) say that the number of keys you carry is directly inverse to how powerful you are" That's *MY* rule! The "inverse key rule", invented in 1989. My jokes are being stolen! *sulks*
  • My method mirrors what a few people have already shared--simplify. I used to carry a wallet crammed with all sorts of nonsense. And then I was given a nice moneyclip, and it changed everything. It makes you think in terms of what you need that day, and that way, you tend not to forget or lose things. I was amazed once I did the wallet audit, to see just how unnecessary the things I carried with me every day were. And something that came into mind reading the side discussion about blaming the user for what amounts to poor design decisions (which is what I do for a living... er, fix designs, not blame users), is that the term "failsafe" doesn't mean what people think it means. Failsafe isn't making sure the system doesn't fail; it's making sure you're safe when it does inevitably fail. Oh, and I don't use the moneyclip anymore. Having things loose in my pockets is working out really well for me.
  • Daniel, what kinds of designs do you fix?
  • As a battle-hardened progressive/transhumanist, I am horrified by the idea of walking around in something which is so easily subject to catastrophic failure. One would be hard-pressed to dream up a system as inherently stupid as the human body. To say "it fails often, and badly" would be an understatement. The human reproductive system is ugly and outdated; a clumsy workaround if I've ever seen one. Sex without fear of social repercussion is unlikely to be massly available any time soon, and there's that whole STD thing. So come on, my little monkey doctors: hack me up a better flesh bag! Sorry, it's the first thing I thought of when I looked inside. Late to the game, I am.
  • Seriously, wallet on a string. It's just like mittens on a string, only for your wallet. It's not really purse like, if you wear it across your chest. I have a male friend who used to wear one. I could open it and get stuff out and never took it off. It's like a convenient money belt.
  • Daniel, what kinds of designs do you fix? Digital products. Currently working on a web portal, a HR app, and a surgery assistance device. That's the thing about software, there's no shortage of work to fix. The founder of our company likes to point out that there are only two industries that call their customers "users."
  • meredithea: I just saw the key thing on Seinfeld's "Comedian" on the weekend.
  • MonkeyFilter: So come on, my little monkey doctors: hack me up a better flesh bag! Hee hee, Wedge. Your MILK reminded me of why Catholics men seldom lose their "chattel" *makes sign of cross Spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch.