July 15, 2005
Curious, But Not For Long
Monkey-Bashi, Ma'am:
One of the things they teach you in Tech Writing School is that as soon as you tell a user how to get into the application, it's manners to tell the user how to get out of the application.
So, where in the so numerous and far-flung MonkeyFilter instructions do you explain how to unsubscribe from MinkeyFilter?
And while you are poking about in there, you might have a go at reading your own instructions. It seems you haven't visited them for awhile.
Don't mention it, Augh and smallishbear. Glad to oblige you.
It's extremely easy to get out of minkeyfilter. Just click on this link. Bon voyage!
LaGatta, when was the last time you had a CAT scan?
Have you ever considered going to Tech Reading School?
This is getting, well, somewhat intersting!
When I am not happy with the service at a restaurant, I like to spit into the creamer that they will be serving to other customers because it is the most socially responsible and mature thing that I can think of to do.
I vaginally discharge in your general direction.
1. Click "Profile" at the top right.
2. Clear out the rest of the entries.
3. Change the E-mail to billgates@microsoft.com.
4. Under password, make up a random password that you won't be able to remember for more than a few seconds (like qywtepqwq). Enter it into both password boxes.
5. Click Change.
6. Now click "Log Out" at the top right.
Ouila.
If ever there was a case of someone asking for bannination, this is it.
Dammit, let me correct that:
1. Click "Profile" at the top right.
2. Change the E-mail to billgates@microsoft.com.
3. Clear out any biographical information such as Name, AIM, Homepage, and Bio.
4. Under password, make up a random password that you won't be able to remember for more than a few seconds (like qywtepqwq). Enter it into both password boxes.
5. Click Change.
6. Now click "Log Out" at the top right.
I hope this is what you wanted.
Sorry, I was barking at myself, not you, ooga_booga.
And who the hell is Augh?
If you're going to make a grandoise exit like this, at least take the fucking time to get it right.
Sorry, La Gatta, there is no way to delete your account. rolypolyman's instructions will give you a way out, however. The other way out would be to just not access the site anymore. As long as you don't use the url, you're out of the mix.
Sorry you had such a bad time here. I still don't think you were trolling.
Man, languagehat's been begging for a flameout for ages.
I'm imagining it's like that episode of The West Wing, where they introduce Ainsley's character, and Josh runs into Toby's office, and says, "Come quick, Sam's getting his ass kicked by a girl!" and then Toby runs out after Josh and shouts at someone else, "Get the popcorn!" Except here languagehat is Toby (which I can sort of see) and I'm Josh (I can see that too), and the only problem is, I don't know where languagehat's office is in the White House, which in the current metaphor refers to the internet, and I can't tell him about Sam getting his ass kicked by a girl because the internet doesn't work that way, and I'm also unsure of who's playing the roles of Sam and Ainsley in the scenario I've just described.
So, apart from that, it's exactly what I just said.
Augh is my cousin, he's such a prick.
don't make me delete my account again.
I'll do it. So help me I'll do it.
Ha, you can still look at my profile on Metafilter, from when I was banned (Settle). I think KettleBlack is still up there somewhere too.
Note that I got banned after having made exactly 666 comments.
Since I don't watch the West Wing, I'm going to use real people:
LaGatta seems like Scott McLellan.
Daisy_Mae would be Joe Gannon.
Actually, Fagbrush would be Joe Gannon.
Of course, the White House Intern would be Moooshy.
poofs.
Check this out: one of my finest threads:
clickuez vouse
Poor old sot.
... oooh now there's an evil idea. What if several monkeys create trollish alts, just to annoy the Monkeysphere? Last one banninated wins?
/is seriously not stupid enough to try this
/unless perhaps he's really drunk next Urine Day
Shut MoFi down, Tracy. Pull the plug. You've got a baby and a toddler to juggle. You don't need 3000 more infants to babysit.
Or share the administration burden with someone else you trust (not me, obviously).
I can certainly assist in making your exit as quick and painless as possible, LaGatta.
Membership is now closed as we go through some growing pains. Please check back later.
Just throwing two more ideas out here, now that we have a wiki --
1. we could do the MoFi self-policing on the wiki, like the RFC thing.
2. we could have a revolving moderator, elected on the wiki (like Wikipedia elects their board, for example)
I don't think closing membership is the right solution. It's so drastic that one might as well shut the site down. However, I don't think it is right for Tracy alone to bear the burden of keeping the idiots and idiotry out.
On second thought, LaGatta did call tracy "ma'am." That is a term of respect and, as such, I think that LaGatta deserves a sixth chance.
If it will help with the problem at all, I will be glad to screen all potential new Monkeys by having them give me a lap dance.
bernockle: LaGatta called Tracy "not for long monkey-bashi". THOSE WORDS ARE BLASPHEMY!!!!
I'd like to state, for the record, that I think some people here are perhaps . . . a little overzealous . . . with n00bs and n00bish behavior, at least on occasion. Even if the new member in question is being dense, I think many of us would do well to take a deep breath and count to 10, or whatever it takes to calm down a bit, before rearranging the offender's virtual face. With Mooshy, I can understand the outrage -- she's clearly out for herself and has no interest in the community. LaGatta, on the other hand, while admittedly dense, did not deserve some of the hate she got, at least IMO. Let the punishment fit the crime.
That said, this FPP was of course a pretty babyish way to go in terms of standing up for herself, and bannination seems just at this point.
That is the American way. If you treat people like shit long enough, then they will do something that merits them being treated like shit.
Are you referring to the new Dukes of Hazard movie?
I saw a comment by the guy who played Cooter in the original series who advised fans to skip the movie because it does not retain the positive family values of the original.
Here are things I remember about the show:
1 - Uncle makes moonshine.
2 - Heroes drive at wildly unsafe speeds and in such a manner as likely to endanger persons or property.
3 - Heroes show no respect for the law and endanger the lives of officers in trying to escape from them
4 - Strongest symbol of racial oppression in the country is prominently displayed on heroes' vehicle.
5 - Police and government are bumbling idiots and corrupt.
Let's see the show get updated and placed in the inner city with a couple of young black punks playing the brothers. Would it still be characterized as a family program then?
petebest wins.
honestly, La Gatta reminded me of a tech writer I once met. She was hired to write the instructions for both the Mac and PC versions of a software title. When it came to doing the printing instructions, she wrote the PC parts just fine (partially relying on existing copy). What she did for the Mac version was priceless: she submitted a printout of the PC instructions with "PC" crossed out and "Macintosh" written neatly above it.
the point of this? calling oneself a "tech writer" as a way of trumpeting one's abilities is as meaningful as moooshy calling herself a journalist.
Oh, for crying out loud. OK, I'll admit, I'm everyone on Monkeyfiler. Ban me already from the universe. Mooson and Regatta, just be done with it, get a crop top already, and get on with it.
Ban me!
Tracy, we're tryin, but the goofs keep on coming. But go back to bed, and give us *shaming rights* so we can knock these fools into the dumpster.
plus, why don't people just settle things mano a mano? Or god forbid chill?
For what it's worth, I was trying to help out offline. But hey, instead of quietly going away like normal people, we get one who has to go with a front-page fuck-you to all of us and tracicle (who was also being entirely more helpful than it turns out LaGatta deserves).
So allow me to say the feeling is mutual, and don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.
/what exactly are you talking about? is it that scary IRC thing?
Or maybe postcards? None of my beeswax. Whoa.
Ye know, chimeara, about this sandbox we all share -- to be constantly stepping in piles of poo make it unusable.
Was just looking at path's comment on tracicle's my blog, and it would seem LaGatta is in her seventies.
Like myself, many older folk are technolical ignoramuses. A fact I beliweve is difficult for younger monkeys to grasp. [Example -- I had no idea until reading path's comment that those wierd capital letters in email adresses are not actually part of the address. D'uh! And I've been online since 1998, though mostl;y in academic/literary circles.]
Fact: There are more older folks online nowadays.
Some may wish to think about making allowances for the appearance here of older people and those who've come online for the first time. The frathouse/schoolyard atmosphere is probably not what your grandparenets are used to.
Like path, I believe LaGatta deserved better than she got from us.
CAUTION OLDER MONKEYS: What's particularly tricky in coming here -- and I don';t pretend to have mastered this myself -- is realizing there's a deceptive element. Easy to be fooled by the suoerficial resemblance this has to the kinds of conversational space [remember 50s coffeehouses?[ where, long ago, we older fools could sit down together and have an actual conversation on a topic with one another.
Older monkeys coming here need to be aware that most younger ones, in addition to the mormal impatience of youth, may seem conditioned (by what, I'm not sure...chatrooms? other forums? reality tc shows?) to make snap judgements, and may exhibit other ineptitudes with regard to verbal and social skills.
Summary: Perils abound for everyone here, as well as thrills and -- alas -- sometimes ugliness or total confusion.
/n00b at all this stuff myself
Can't even spell technolical some days.
=tech no log i cal</smnall>
Thanks for sharing that thread, Settle. Fine work!
Agreed, +1 Funny for that thread.
There's a joke about soylent green recipes somewhere in beezeses's comment, but I'm too tired to find it.
Monkeyfilter: Minkeyfilter
*searches for bifocals in order to read Bees' comments*
Death to he that thinks ill of it.
How sad. I do so hate to see a breakdown in communication and civility.
I know what you mean, bees, but I think we were actually fairly nice about La Gatta on the whole. Since she first got into trouble, I was never quite sure whether she was a confused noob or just one of those old ladies who think they have a right to elbow their way to the front of every queue - perhaps, I conclude, a bit of both. It's a shame things didn't work out, but I still think we showed up once again as nicer than your average on-line community. Cockpunch all round for us, a bouquet in salute to tracicle's patience, and a consolatory vessel of foaming hummus molé for La Gatta.
I don't know why she calls it hummous; nary a chickpea to see.
Bee-coz it hums? he said salsaly.
lagatta specifically re-posted what tracicle had told her not to, when tracicle wasn't around.
sorry, i don't care how old/young/stoopid she is, that's just underhanded and wrong. she knew exactly what she was doing. and once again lagatta is showing her true stripes with this post.
Let's see the show get updated and placed in the inner city with a couple of young black punks playing the brothers. Would it still be characterized as a family program then?
Yeah, but no Jessica Simpson boobs. Gotta have that.
On second thought, LaGatta did call tracy "ma'am." That is a term of respect and, as such, I think that LaGatta deserves a sixth chance.
I agree. She can pick up her new username and password at www.goatse.cx.
I don't know where languagehat's office is in the White House
Down that hall to the right, all the way to the end... No, that's not the end, see, it bends around a little and gets narrow and dark... Yeah, that's it. Now see that door? No, not the one with the nameplate, the little unmarked... yeah, that one. Open it. Go down the stairs -- don't be afraid, I know there's not much light but I keep the cobwebs cleared away, mostly. OK, now look around to the right, past the janitor's supply cabinet: see that faint gleam of light? That's my office. Just make your way around the broken-down boxes and knock -- I'll come out and we can have a nice chat. I'd invite you in, but there's not enough room for two people. Frankly, I'm pretty sure they don't realize I'm there, so don't ask for me by name at the front desk, OK?
And yes, it's very satisfying to have a flameout at last.
*sighs happily*
By the way, settle, I've been glad to see you around here; I enjoyed your wacky contributions at MeFi.
LaGatta is not that old, she's 61. She has an M.S. in Computer Science, a B.A. and M.A. in English, and a Ph.D. in Greek and Latin Studies (assuming her résumé is factual). Then, there is her continuing education:
Visual Literacy: Human Factors in Visual Communications (William Horton), UCSC Extension
Becoming a Multifaceted Communicator (STC Writer in the Workplace Conference)
Presenting Data and Information (Edward Tufte)
SGML to HTML: Languages for Electronic Publishing (UCSC Extension)
Publishing on the World Wide Web (UCSC Extension)
Programming in C++ (Cabrillo College)
Introduction to UNIX (UCSC Extension)
Repurposing Content on the Web (UCSC Extension)
I find it hard to believe that she is as dense as she portrayed herself to be. I think she pulled a good one on us - - but that's just my silly opinion. It's a shame that she had to bow out the way she did. I really thought she could have become a great contributer to our beloved MoFi, but alas, I was proven wrong.
And death to he who thinks ill of it.
Wot's with all the mal-y-penses lately?
garters!
sugar! proof of the theory that lagatta is some new, more highly evolved category of troll. the multi-degreed yet purposefully and thus frustratingly dense, or, TM-DYPATFD troll.
Now what am I going to do with all this fresh basil?
Whatever you do, don't boil it and eat it.
I am a little disappointed, because she's from Santa Cruz which I have a total soft spot for, and it looks like she and I went to the same junior college and university, too. But what's done is done and won't be undone in this case, most likely.
She brought the hate on when she made a self-link FPP, and inside the text of it she admitted to knowing better, but knew she could get away with it because of tracy being in the hospital. Only a total shithead would do that.
I do hope she find her way over to the otherfilter. She should liven up the gray some.
Sportsfilter is down again. (or at least you cant make comments)
Huh. I hadn't been to SpoFi in ages. Now I have one more site to despise for its weakness.
Man, "SpoFi" is probably the worst $Filter nickname currently going. At least Whedonesque had the decency to not call their site BufFi.
Also, can I just use this thread to point out (for what is surely the first of many, many times) that I got asked for my autograph - as Harry Potter - two times tonight?
Oh flashboy, you have my sympathy.
Time to start that Harry Potter Escort Service ™
I'll be honest, I loved it. I imparted some (very good) worldly wisdom to a ten year old, as Harry Potter. Whilst extremely drunk. It was great. Also, I was working at the time. As I still am. Man, journalism's fantastic. I just wish moooshy could be here to see it...
Amen to that, smallish bear. The hamster died this morning.
I want a pea jacket. Also a pony.
Harry Potter's a drunk? Maybe I should read those books after all...
My three and a half year old hamster died about two weeks ago. I was very sad. Her name was Panda.
Spoiler warning: Plot and ending details follow. Do not continue if you do not want details.
SPOILER IS DELETED BY ADMIN AT BEHEST OF HP READERS
Um... nice shooting, Wedge. It may have been a good idea to include more spoiler space, as well as a statement as to what was being spoiled.
Um, Wedge, I hope you're kidding. If you wreck this book for me, I'll still love you, but I will seriously kick you in the knee. Just because you think something is dorky (and it is -- I totally cop to being a dork) doesn't mean you should ruin it for others.
No, he's kidding. Actually, Harry himself dies.
I thought it was English literature that died just that little bit more?
Three and a half years is a good age for a hamster.
I'm in favor of anything that gets children to watch more television.
JK Rowling dies...before writing the last book.
That's funny, trace.
Wedge, really fucking uncool, that. SERIOUSLY uncool.
I am no longer curious.
/Satisfaction brought me back.
What book are you all talking about?
So that's a real spoiler? If so I could add some space.
Yeah, the spoiler's real. But, you know, we all kind of knew that already, right?
Right?
tracicle - I'd suggest leaving it as a demonstration of pettyness. (And, I didn't even plan to read the book before this revelation.) Though Christophine, who has read it, thinks you should edit it to add some space and turn the spoiler into really small text. As it stands, it would be hard to scroll past without it requiring that it be read.
Why, Wedge, why?
Oh, and debolded.
I twinge everytime I read "tech" in this thread...
Or, just delete it. No reason it should be here anyway.
Yeah, I say delete it. That it's in larger text and bolded only makes it tougher to avoid. The way it is now, not only do we know Wedge is an asshole, but we know the end of the book. The other comments in this thread should serve as an adequate reminder of the former.
I've never read any of the series, but it makes me twitch having a spoiler out there like that. Poor form!
Thanks Monkeybashi!
(I'm not a fan, really, but I have friends who are. And it's a shitty thing to do, besides. Which is weird because I pegged Wedge as a decent person. Oops.)
tell me in a year or two
who in each mystery kills who
or tell me how the movie ends
and spoil my fun
and irk my friends
six months from now
no one will care
should I bellow a secret
to everyone here
OK, so who dies?
Wedge: are you trying to drive one?
Interesting how a thread can evolve, take this one for example!
Oh man, if I had seen a real spoiler on MoFi before I read the book, I'd have gone batshit insane. Wedge is fucking lucky I wasn't poking around anymore, for fear of asshats like that, posting in odd places.
I'd love to know why people like Wedge do these things; yes, the HP books are dorky and yes, they're getting too much hype, but I love them, and have loved them since 1999, and while I think I know what the spoiler was, and while I'd guessed that might happen, just before reading the book, I don't want to know - I want to be surprised. Why would you want to deny people simple pleasures like that? It's sad.
Oh well, it culls the herd at least, don't need to bother with Wedge anymore.
Do you people believe every fucking thing you read on the internet?
Don't know how to interpret that quid, sorry - no, I wouldn't have necessarily believed the spoiler, I know for a fact a lot of fake ones were going around, but the thing is if you hear something like that, you can't help but think about it as you read, which is really distracting, especially if it's a spoiler that has a clear ring of truth to it. Like, if Wedge's comment was that "Harry suddenly decides to start shagging Draco and the Half-Blood Prince is Molly Weasley" then, tchah, whatever. But it seems like it was a truthful one that would then leave you wondering when it was going to happen. Right annoying, that.
Do you people believe every fucking thing you read on the internet?
I sure do. Hey, have you heard that there are four simultaneous days within a single rotation of Earth? Boy, was I educated stupid.
The internets wouldn't lie to us. At least, not to me.
Harry suddenly decides to start shagging Draco and the Half-Blood Prince is Molly Weasley
Jesus, livii, don't give it away!
Jesus, livii, don't give it away!
Jesus lives? Dude, you've totally RUINED the Gospel According to Mark for me. THANKS A LOT GUY.
Oops...well, it's not like the Harry/Draco subplot wasn't completely obvious anyway, you know. Like, DUH.
The rimming scene in the Room of Requirement was totally hott.
Wait, books have surprises in them?
I preferred the mutual masturbation in Myrtle's washroom, actually.
And it's not that hard to make these things up, anyway, since there were an awful lot of sketchy lines this time, like Harry thinking I need to see the place where Malfoy keeps coming secretly. *is twelve*
Oh, man, now where will we go for our underage gay wizard porn needs?
Oh. Yeah. MoFi.
Harry Potter and the Lord of the Cockring.
I want to read more threads where KettleBlack gets banned from Mefi.
In space.
I need to see what Draco Malfoy is doing inside you
*just giving flashboy what he wants*
So young Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy took a little trip up Diagon Alley...
"Oh look, Harry!" cried Draco gleefully. "The shop is selling fast new brooms!"
"I already have a fast broom, Draco, the best and fastest there is! Would you like to see it?" replied Harry.
Draco was lost for words.
IS THAT YOUR WAND IN YOUR POCKET?
HELLO??? MUST EVERY THREAD HERE END IN RAMPANT BUGGERY???
"No, actually, I really am just happy to see you," Draco replied.
And then Draco and Harry engaged in rampant buggery right in the middle of Diagon Alley.
/there ya go, quiddy
Q, will you please read the Posting Guidelines, already?
So, where's your Dark Mark?
Interestingly the family coat of arms of the Rowlings display a shield supported on the left by a monkey holding a coffee filter and on the right by a bugger, rampant. Make of this what you will.
I'm glad to know that even when I'm not around, this site is all about the cock.
Underage gay wizard cock, don't forget that.
They're both 17 soon, though, so write it while it's, er, hot, or something.
Oh and Pallas - want to kill your blood traitor relatives tonight, or mine?
Ok, I was boiling mad, but you monkeys are just so silly that it's hard to stay angry.
End war through silliness!
End rampant war through silly buggery!
Currently reading;
"Peace Through Buggery" by Thomas Cromwell
Currently reading:
"Buggery Through Peace" by Thomas Cranmer
I had a dream last night that I was giving Nick Lechay tips on how to get Jessica Simpson in bed more often.
What were they?
Once again, we have reached new heights.
MonkeyFilter: This is getting, well, somewhat intersting!
MonkeyFilter: I'm glad to know that even when I'm not around, this site is all about the cock.
MonkeyFilter: don't make me delete my account again. I'll do it. So help me I'll do it.
MonkeyFilter: Poofs
MonkeyFilter: Oh, for crying out loud.
MonkeyFilter: Ban me!
MonkeyFilter: Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
MonkeyFilter: Death to he who thinks ill of it!
MonkeyFilter: Frankly, I'm pretty sure they don't realize I'm there, so don't ask for me by name.
MonkeyFilter: It's very satisfying to have a flameout at last.
MonkeyFilter: No reason it should be here anyway.
MonkeyFilter: Only a total shithead would do that.
MonkeyFilter: Do you people believe every fucking thing you read on the internet?
MonkeyFilter: So, who dies?
MonkeyFilter: No reason it should be here anyway.
MonkeyFilter: HELLO??? MUST EVERY THREAD HERE END IN RAMPANT BUGGERY???
*draws deep breath of satisfaction and begins picking her nose
Hang on to that, GranMa. I think I've a recipe.
/looks for bay leaf.
That was a real spoiler, by the way, and a pretty shitty thing to do. Just sayin'.
*crushes bay leaf in dismay*
Granma, you clean up your act as well.
And all cocks go back in the cage. right now!
middleclasstool: I know. I waited for the book for years, and then *right before I pick it up to read it* I read the spoiler. I avoid spoilers like the plague for anything I think I'll really enjoy (movies, books, tv... whatever). I was fairly grumpy about it.
Was Wedge responsible for this as well?
Who likes basil?
I always preferred Manuel.
You can tune a guitar
but you can't tuna a fish
dum dee dee dee dee
Oh, never mind me, I have nothing to add to this thread, I'm just passing on through.
The ultimate irony would be if we turned this into a recipe thread.
A recipe thread!
You'll go to hell for that.
*wanders off to make a sammach*
Chocolate Armpit Hairs
3 large shredded wheat bundles
3 TBS. honey
1 TBS. light brown sugar
1 6oz. bag milk chocolate chips
2 TBS. butter or margarine
Directions:
Break up shredded wheat bundles into single long strands, so that they have the appearance of armpit hairs. Set aside.
Place the honey, brown sugar, chocolate chips, and butter in a medium sized heavy saucepan and heat over low to melt.
Gently stir mixture with a rubber spatula. Mixture should be smooth and glossy.
Remove the saucepan from burner and place it on a heat safe work surface.
Gently fold in shredded wheat.
When the shredded wheat is completely coated, scoop it onto wax paper in nine equal portions.
Use a fork to gently rake "hairs" into one direction.
To set Chocolate Armpit Hairs, place them in refrigerator for about thirty minutes. If there are any hairy bundles left over, keep them stored in the refrigerator
But don't they melt when you glue them to your armpits?
I'm certain someone will post a recipe for snot on toast or cat pan cake here next.
What do you get if you add Cheerios to the shredded wheat bundles?
I think grape nuts would be more to scale than cheerios.
nuts and bolts?
Ponytails or cooties, depending.
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